Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Day 183 - We're Halfway There

Day 183.

Well that certainly went by quickly. As of this afternoon, my journey to watch Julie & Julia every day for a year is officially more than halfway over.


To be perfectly honest, I almost missed this milestone completely--shit really caught me off guard. I mean, once you get into the routine of watching and blogging, watching and blogging, watching and blogging, you kind of lose track of what day it is (not to mention what reality may or may not be). Also, with my brother's wedding last weekend and final exams coming up and all, I hate to admit that I haven't always made Julie & Julia my first priority--and I apologize for that.

I mean, sure, I still watch the film every day, but the magic's all but gone by now. The metaphorical honeymoon was over by Day 5. Now we're just an unhappy married couple, unable to satisfy each other sexually and pretty much only staying together for the kids.

That being said, I probably should have cooked up (pun intended) some kind of big stunt for today's big halfway point post. Unfortunately, I did not.

Instead, I shall just take a moment to reflect on these past 6 months of Julie & Julia-watching, totaling over 366 hours of this movie, or 15.25 straight days of nothing but Julie & Julia... Let us remember the good times/revisit my personal highlights, shall we?

Day 1 - The Beginning of a Journey/Losing My J&J Virginity - Weird to think that at one point, I actually liked this movie.

Day 3 - The Birth of NOT MARK RUFFALO - The only reason anyone reads this blog. Also, the end of the surprise appearances of the real Julie Powell in the comments.

Day 4 - J & J By the Numbers - Now that I look back on this one, I could've milked at least 20 more posts out of this material (might still do that).

Day 8 - The First Random Actor Tuesday - And what a glorious RAT it was!

Days 13, 14, 16, 17 - Julie & Julia Sync-ed up with Kanye - No one else seemed to like these. Gotta weed out the readership somehow!

Day 21 - Did I Predict the Death of Osama Bin Laden? - No.

Day 25 - Christmas Poem - Super labor-intensive. Was it worth it? Hell yeah.

Day 31, 32 - LJJ on Racism - I expect to win a Pulitzer for this.

Day 54 - Who Let Me on NPR? - I demand to know who was responsible for this atrocity!

Day 76 - The Proof is in the Pudding - If you can't find it in the pudding, check the aspic.

Day 77 - Valentine's Day - First scene reenactment!

Day 86 - Mental Decay - First signs of legitimate brain damage.

Day 87 - Mental Birthday - More signs of legitimate brain damage.

Day 100 - ONIONS ONIONS ONIONS - Funyuns?

Day 123 - A Confession - I've never actually seen this movie.

Day 126 - Julie's Cat Crowned Champion - In the reader-decided supporting character bracket, the cat makes off with all of the nip. You heard me right. Every. Last. Nip.

Day 132 - Julierotica - That time I made all of you simultaneously cream your pants. Chapter 2 to come (cum?) soon.

Day 153 - The Stunt Blog - My pitch to Hollywood for adapting this blog into a movie. I'm still waiting for that call...

Day 161 - All Julie and No Julia - Funny, I don't even remember writing this one. Kind of weird, actually.

Day 169 - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Pt. 1 - Didja guess correctly? It's me.

Day 177 - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Pt. 2 - Yup, still me.

Day 183 - We're Halfway There - This is the one where I cop out and just link to a bunch of old classic posts in lieu of something new. Basically, an LJJ clip show.

A fucking clip show? Really?

I sincerely hope you've all enjoyed the first 6 months of the Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project--I know I sure haven't! Here's to another 6--full of the quality non-repetitive content you've come to expect from your #1 destination for watching-Julie & Julia-every-day!

Oh, we're halfway there. Oh ohh, livin' on a prayer.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Every single day! I can't get over it."

Monday, May 30, 2011

Day 182 - Memorial Day

Day 182.

I know that because it's Memorial Day, I should probably do some sort of thing honoring the men and women who died fighting for our country and somehow relating it back to Julie & Julia and maybe Paul/Julia's spywork overseas. I mean, that would be the logical route to take at this juncture. But frankly? I'm kind of tired from yesterday's wedding.

Which is why I thought, hey--what better way to spend Memorial Day watching Julie & Julia with a bunch of my non-English speaking relatives who have no idea what Memorial Day is?

The flash ruined it, but I assure you, J&J is playing.
The newlyweds were there too. What a great wedding gift, right?
Assorted uncles and aunts. It has been a veritable Asian Invasion at the Dai household this week.
Dammit Julie & Julia! You've bastardized this family reunion!
Oldest uncle was really diggin' it.
In fact, he was the only one who stayed for the rest of the movie...

Hooray for wacky Asian relatives! Oh, and veterans. Veterans too.


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Julie & Julia 
Quote of the Day: "Are you the person I speak to if I don't like the plan for the memorial?"

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Day 181 - My Brother's Wedding

Day 181.

Had to get today's screening of Julie & Julia out of the way extremely early because I don't want to miss any of my brother's wedding festivities tonight. Hopefully, everything will look exactly like this.


Will update with ironic juxtapositions of photos of my brother's wedding after tonight!

Until then, here is a self-indulgent photo of me and my big brother Lance when we were mere lads, completely unaware of the existence of Julie Powell (note how happy I look).

Little did they know, 18 years from now, one of them would be getting married,
while the other would be living a continuous nightmarish existence that isn't even halfway over.

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Julie & Julia 
Quote of the Day: "What a beautiful wedding."

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Day 180 - Wedding Toast

Day 180.

As some of you may have heard, my older brother Lance is getting married tomorrow. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited for him. One nagging thing though--as the best man, I have to give a big toast tomorrow and I'm kind of nervous.


Mostly, I'm nervous because whenever I get up to practice my little speech, I inevitably forget what I had written and just segue into a weird ad-libbed version of Paul Child's toast in Julie & Julia.

"Lance, you are the butter to my bread and the breath to my life. 
I love you, darling girl."

I'm sure how you can all see how that might be a little awkward at the wedding.

Fuck.

This is what my life has devolved into.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "This is what matters."

Friday, May 27, 2011

Day 179 - Meryl Streep Day

Day 179.

It has been brought to my attention by a few of my readers that today is Meryl Streep Day (scroll down on the wiki page). This doesn''t surprise me because of course Meryl Streep has her own day--after all, she is Meryl Fucking Streep, our greatest living actress! Everything she does is simply delightful!


Meryl smelling fish? Delightful. Meryl drinking wine? Delightful. Meryl failing tests. Delightful. Meryl taking giant shits? Impossible. But if it was possible, I'm sure she'd make that delightful too.

"That smells wonderful, but if you'll excuuuussse me, I'm going to go take a giant dump! Aha!"

Hell, she even made the Frenchmen likable in this movie! Frenchmen, I say! The all-time worst kind of men! Is there anything she can't do?

"The only thing I can't do is be a mediocre actress."

I'm telling you, the woman is perfect--a real national treasure, the classiest woman in the world, the sex icon of the century! Plus, I heard she adopted some adorable, homeless puppies the other day.



So anyway, I know I should be pretty excited about celebrating this "Meryl Streep Day" and all but honestly? Today hasn't actually been that much different for me. I woke up. I ate breakfast. I watched Julie & Julia. I stuck a few pins into my Julie Powell voodoo doll. I was blown away by Meryl's performance. It was really just an average day in the life of a Julie & Julia blogger.


But that's when I realized--I don't give a shit about your stupid, seemingly arbitrary Meryl Streep Day because for me, every day is Meryl Streep Day.


So by all means, spend today celebrating the life and career of the beautiful Meryl Streep, because who am I to stop you? She is a wonderful person and deserving of your respect and adoration. There's just one question I have for you though: Why should our collective love of Meryl Streep be limited to just one day of the year?

I guess what I'm getting at here is...


LIVE EVERY DAY AS IF IT WERE MERYL STREEP DAY.

It's certainly worked for me.
 
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Julie & Julia 
Quote of the Day: "What if you hadn't fallen in love with me?"

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Day 178 - Guest Blogger: Jack Dickey of Deadspin.com

Day 178.

Hello, friends. You may have noticed the dripping condescension in my introduction: This is my way of noting that I am not Lawrence Dai. Your faithful blogger, I am sure, is watching the movie today, but he couldn’t possibly find a moment to fart out the Gerber-caliber slop you’ve become so used to at 11:45 p.m. CDT. He tells me he’s on a date--no, wait, writing a paper, about his brother’s wedding or some such thing--so I’ve stepped in. My name is Jack Dickey, and I write about sports for Deadspin. I’m on Twitter, too.

Anyway, Lawrence told me I should write about sports, because you guys love sports almost as much as you love julienned onions and clarified butter, and, I suppose, this wretched movie. But it’s all the same: Russell Westbrook is the Julie Powell of sports.


I’ve only seen Julie and Julia once, and that was enough for me. It’s a slapdash, schmaltzy film with one decent performance in it. Never mind, of course, that you can catch hours of Meryl Streep’s excellence in other films and Julia Child’s squawking authority on your local PBS affiliate. The sexual chemistry on Cooking at Home With Julia and Jacques (which you can watch on Hulu, too) tickles so much that you can put your Tucci cardboard cutouts in storage. But I wouldn’t say the movie disappointed me--if only because I was never appointed in the first place. You can’t go into a Nancy Meyers Nora Ephron movie and expect anything besides the fake female empowerment that J+J eventually gave us.

But if I am expected to write about sports, I have to explain that the semifinal round of the NBA, particularly the series between the Dallas Mavericks and the Oklahoma City Thunder, drowned me in the unmistakable sour milk of letdown. Dallas dispatched OKC in five easy games, and the Thunder squandered comfortable leads in the last two. Which sucked. I--as have many others over the past few weeks, and months--became a little bit of a Thunder fan, despite the team’s terrible name, despite its location, despite the way its owners hijacked it from the suffering fans of Seattle. We fell in love mostly because of OKC’s two young stars, Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook.

Durant is easy to admire: He has the game of any sharpshooting two-guard, except he’s 6’ 9” and plays small forward, usually. This season was his fourth in the NBA--he’s only 22 years old--and his second leading the league in scoring. Plus, he wears a backpack to press conferences and shootarounds. Seemingly nobody wears a backpack after leaving college, and yet. KD will wow us for a long while.

But our emotions get murkier when we think about Westbrook. He’s a point guard, a couple months younger than Durant and a season less experienced. He does plenty of things well: he drives and rebounds better than most any point guard playing today (save Derrick Rose), and he scores commensurate with that: a lot. But he’s not the pretty, perpetually lethal scorer that KD is. No, Westbrook’s shorter than Durant and his jumper is too. And when you watch him play, you cannot understand why he ever pulls up for a jumper. It’s not as though he’s running around, and coming off screens like KD. He always has the ball—when he pulls up and shoots it, it represents a conscious decision on Westbrook’s behalf. The best play, he figures, is if I take a shot. Not a particularly good one, not a necessarily uncontested one, not a close one, but any shot. It’s the path of least resistance, and it vexes the fan so, when he can see just how well Westbrook does everything else. Westbrook shot a troubling 39.4 percent from the field in the playoffs, and did so while taking a ton of shots--20 per game, just as many as Durant had, and in fewer minutes.

Folks tend to superimpose morality onto sports, basketball even more so than others, so when I call Westbroook selfish and short-sighted, I mean only to refer to the way he plays ball. And he’s two years older than I am, and, well, I couldn’t run an NBA playoff offense. He’ll get better. But again, ye gods, what a selfish human drain on my wallet.

Not unlike, say, Julie Powell, who treats Not Mark Ruffalo and her friends so poorly while she cooks her way through that lovely book. You’ll certainly recall her attitude, and Amy Adams’s pallid scowls. (Until Mary Lynn Rajskub, the hero of the dear departed Larry Sanders Show lays down the law.)

I don’t know if Lawrence has advanced this theory before, but I wager that men and women view Julie Powell (and, okay, everything) differently. The idea behind Ephron’s character is that she’s spunky if a bit ornery, determined if downtrodden, and most certainly not in the business of bowing to her husband. (I think we call this a “strong female role.”) But men perceive this kind of thing as “bitch.” (I note here that I’m baffled you all have stuck with Lawrence’s folksy misogyny for so long, especially given that he applies it to such a feminine movie. I tried to find all the posts he’s used “bitch” in, and there are more than 20. Uh. I take that back: he’s used it in more than 40 posts.) Julie’s not an effective strong female to men, because her accomplishment--all this cooking--pales in comparison to, say, what Vin Diesel accomplishes in any of the Fast and Furious movies. We Men Are Limitless, as Bradley Cooper taught us. But women, especially those who are trapped, like Julie, might perceive her cooking feats as kind of awesome. Does this make any sense? (I’ll pick it back up when Lawrence has me guest blog for the final three months.)

And it’s weird, you know, how the most vociferous defender of Westbrook’s disappointing play is Kevin Durant, who said that those attacking Westbrook should recognize that he, and his game, got OKC to the NBA semifinals. Durant would seem to be the one most harmed by Westbrook’s play, yet he won’t let the media pick on Russell. Part of this is the code of team sports, to be sure, but another part of it comes from outsiders’ inability to understand the mental strain involved in basketball, more specifically: choosing whether to shoot or pass, on such a stage. I just might be wrong about Russell Westbrook, and I’m even more amenable to that possibility if Kevin Durant tells me it’s the case.

The diluted version of this confusion might be the way we (men) perceive Julie Powell. Any of you think she’s great, strong, whatever? Probably not. Maybe this movie’s just stupid.

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Jack Dickey will be on the Memorial Day shift at Deadspin. Come say hello. Email him here.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "I am an 'A' student." 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Day 177 - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? (pt. 2)

Day 177.

Hey, everyone! Remember last week when I posted that hilarious, not-awkward-at-all video of my visit to 13-year-old blog reader Sophie K's house? You know the one--where I made a bunch of uncomfortable sex predator jokes and nearly burned their house down--yeah, that one! Well, I'm proud to say that part 2 is finally ready to be unleashed upon all of you unknowing internet masses.


In the second installment of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?, I have the privilege of eating a delicious authentic French meal with Sophie and her siblings/friends. After this, I hope to never graduate from the kids' table. I hope you enjoy it.



Check back later for Part 3 - The Julie & Julia Viewing! (to be posted sometime in the near future)

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "We are now going to play a round of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner."

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Day 176 - Random Actor Tuesday: Harry L. Seddon

Day 176.

I've been avoiding Random Actor Tuesday lately, mainly because there aren't too many random actors left. Case in point: Harry L. Seddon.

"Hey, look at me everyone! I'm Harry L. Seddon!"

For those of you who've seen the film, I'm curious if you recognize Mr. Seddon, because I sure as hell don't. And safe to say, I've seen Julie & Julia enough times to know when someone is in it! Anyways, IMDB says he plays an uncredited role, and they're usually right about these things...


New York City Subway Conductor!?!? Really?? How does IMDB even know that? Especially if it's uncredited?? There are only a few scenes that could feasibly have a New York City Subway Conductor in them and there's no way of possibly knowing whether or not said New York City Subway Conductor is Harry L. Seddon.

Is that you in there, Harry L. Seddon?
There you are!

Not convinced? Neither am I. Time for some ZOOM action.


Okay, so there is clearly an illuminated figure in the cockpit (Is that what it's called in a subway? Cockpit? Conductor's quarters?), but I'm not so sure that it's Harry L. Seddon. Let us zoom in some more, shall we?


Okay, that sort of looks like Harry L. Seddon, but the image is a little too low-res. Time to up the res.


Holy Shit! That is him! Dammmmnnn, IMDB. You's real good ats identifyin' rando acta toosdayzzz!

Maybe I am going a little crazy.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "It's almost not worth having one."

Monday, May 23, 2011

Day 175 - If Julia Had Stuck With Hatmaking

Day 175.

You know that scene in Julie & Julia where Julia and Paul sit together at that restaurant and discuss what Julia plans on doing with her future? It's a nice little conversation between two lovers, as they talk about possible career options and hobbies for Julia, one of which includes hatmaking. The exact interaction progresses as follows:


Julia: What should I do, do you think?
Paul: About what?
Julia: I don't really want to go back into government work. You know, but I...
Shouldn't I find something to do? These wives don't do anything here. That's not me. It's just not me.
Paul: I know.
Julia: I saw a notice on the bulletin board at the embassy for hatmaking lessons.
Paul: You like hats.
Julia: I do, I do. 

Smash Cut to:


Hahahaha, look at how unfufilled she is! Julia Child as a hatmaker!!! What a novel concept! Or is it...?



Alternate universes are a scary business. For all of our sakes, it was a good thing Julia Child sucked at hatmaking.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Are you still making hats?"

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Day 174 - Lines That Sound Profound, But Really Aren't

Day 174.

For as much as I hate the movie Julie & Julia, I'll admit that there are a lot of nice little moments and lines scattered throughout the film. I mean, I won't go so far as to say the movie is particularly well-written, but it's safe to say that Nora Ephron knows her way around a tender moment coupled with a profound-sounding line or two. Profound-sounding being the key term here. After watching this movie 174 times, these "killer" lines seem to lack the oompfh that they did the first hundred times or so.

"Everything I say is profound. You know why? 'Cuz I'm Meryl Fucking Streep."

And with that little preface, I give you...
 
Lines in Julie & Julia That Sound Profound, But Really Aren't.

Julia: I mean... It's...
Paul: I know...
Julia: But I'm...
Paul: I know. I know. I know.

One of the first little Julia/Paul moments in the film, this scene used to tickle my fancy real hard. But then I started to realize that neither of them actually say anything substantive. I mean, I get that their love of food and strong connection with each other is supposed to be so powerful that it goes without saying--but really? Say something about the texture or flavor of the fish, assholes. You're leaving me completely in the dark here.

Julie: I love that after a day when nothing is sure, and when I say "nothing" I mean nothing, you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. It's such a comfort.

Well 1) I proved this wrong here. And 2) That's just stupid. How is mixing the same shit and getting the same result a comfort for anyone? That's like saying "Oh, it's so comfortable to know that every time I eat 6 Taco Bell tacos, I'll be up the whole night shitting."

Julie: When I was eight, my father's boss came to dinner and it was a really big deal, and my mother made boeuf bourguignon. But it wasn't just boeuf bourguignon. It was Julia's boeuf bourguignon. And it was like she was there, like Julia was there in the room, on our side like some great big good fairy. And everything was going to be all right.

Sure, this is a nice little story--but when you think about it, I doubt Julia Child's boeuf bourguignon was the only reason the dinner went well. I mean, she says it as if that meal saved her father his job. Last time I checked, adequate work performance was the best way to go about saving one's job.

Julia: French people eat French food!

No shit, Julia. She only gets away with saying something so stupid because she's Meryl Fucking Streep.

Julie: Julia Child, you are so good.

Very descriptive, Julie. You're supposed to be a writer and you can't come up with any adjectives better than "good?" What about "delectable" or better yet, "tit-licious?"

Chef Max Bugnard: The hand and the knife are one.

This line is trite as fuck.

Paul: Anyway, so there we were in China, just friends having dinner, and it turned out to be Julia. It turned out to be Julia all along.

Again, another really nice moment for the first 100 times or so--but now? I'm just curious to know to what the "it" refers. I mean, what exactly turned out to be Julia? The woman I loved? The woman I wanted to bang? The woman I had sex with while wearing a blindfold so I wasn't sure who it was going to turn out to be in the end? Doesn't seem too sweet now, does it?

Paul: Julia, you are the butter to my bread, and the breath to my life.

Another classic, but reads like nonsense when looked at under the microscope. I know a lot of people would disagree, but I feel like bread is way more substantive than butter--like butter is an accessory/luxury for bread. You can eat bread without butter, but butter without bread? That's just gross. Also, who the fuck wants to be the breath to someone else's life? Seems sexist to me. Like the lady is the only thing that can make the man's life complete. I personally think women can have lives of their own, without having to breathe into any dudes. In conclusion, breadlife > butterbreath.

Julie: I'm 30. I thought it was gonna be terrible, but thanks to you, and thanks to Julia, it feels like I'm gonna get through.


Wait, maybe this is just me as a naive 20-year-old talking out of his ass, who doesn't feel like they're going to get through 30? What's the average life expectancy again? For someone who doesn't gurgle down 3 sticks of butter a day, that is.

Paul: It has a tanginess.
Julia: Tanginess?

Paul: Yes.
Julia: Well, that's... that's who I married.


Julia is just ecstatic to have married a guy who describes food as "tangy." Damn, maybe Paul Child was a homosexual.

"Are you a homosexual?" "Well, I have a certain tanginess!"

Julie's Boss: Anyone else would fire you. A Republican would fire you. I'm not a schmuck.

I still haven't a clue what this means. There is no context for this bizarre republican remark. Liberal media bias in Julie & Julia? Sounds like a future post to me.

Julie: But let's face it, I am not Julia Child.
Nooooo shitttttt. You are Julie Powell. Only Julia Child is Julia Child. I coulda told you that 2 hours ago and saved us both the fucking trouble.

Julie: Are you back? Please be back.
Eric: What's for dinner?

Julie: Are you back? Is this fight over? Is our marriage saved? Does true love exist in this fucked up world of ours?"
Eric: What's for dinner, bitch?!?

Julia: Where's home? Where do we live?
Paul: Home is wherever we are.

A bit cliched, but I actually still kind of like this. Dammit movie, I guess you aren't so bad after all.

SIKE

This movie blows.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Here she comes. Wow!"

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Day 173 - NOM Screening

Day 173.

Today, I had the honor of sharing my daily Julie & Julia pain with the Northwestern student food appreciation/eating group, NOM. They even made me a fucking poster!

Look at that fucking poster!

So yeah, of course I couldn't turn down a group screening of Julie & Julia, especially on our supposed last day of existence before the rapture. If I'm going to be burned alive by fire and brimstone, it might as well be while watching a terrible movie with a bunch of fellow food geeks. And after 173 days of this bullshit, the rapture doesn't actually seem so bad. As long as they don't make me watch this movie in hell.

NOM was nice enough to make some gourmet popcorn for the screening/Q & A session aftewards.
It was fucking delicious.

So yeah, this was the first big public screening of J&J I've ever had, so it was pretty exciting for me to see it with a bunch of new people. You know, get their insights on the film.

Insights: Apathetic.
Jon was mad intrigued though (this was during one of the Meryl Streep scenes)
Mad analysis going on hurr.
It was also just funny to watch everyone gradually become fatigued and grow more and more restless as the movie wore on. At one point around the hour-and-a-half mark, literally everyone was slouched over in their chairs, clearly unamused by the antics of Julie Powell and co. And this was just after seeing the movie once.

There were more people there earlier, but they left before the movie ended...

So yeah, man. Cool beans! Thanks again to NOM for having me. Hopefully, I wasn't too underwhelming...

Photos by Kaitlin Svabek/The Daily Northwestern. Video of the Q & A to come!

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "When will this pie be ready?"

Friday, May 20, 2011

Day 172 - Michelle Obama

Day 172.

Last night I had a Julie & Julia-related dream (as I often do) that I was hanging with First Lady Michelle Obama. Needless to say, it was pretty weird.

What up, First Lady of the United States?

And when I say weird, I mean weird in the sense that it was just incredibly realistic. Not that me meeting Michelle Obama is something plausible--I'm just saying that there weren't any jumps in time or flying unicorns or anything. Now you'll have to believe me that I don't ordinarily dream about the First Lady. Not that she isn't a beautiful woman. She is. She's just not my typical "woman of my dreams," if ya know what I mean.

That spot is reserved for Jill Biden. Yowza.

But anyways, back to the dream. In it, I was just walking down some street with Michelle Obama and her daughters and for some reason, I felt compelled to talk about my blog--this blog--the incredibly stupid place on the internet where I regale tales of watching Julie & Julia every day.

First of all, I found it bizarre that the First Lady of the United States didn't have anything better to do than listen to me ramble on about Random Actor Tuesday and Feedback Fridays, but this is dream logic, right? It doesn't have to make any sense.

Anyways, as I was saying, I just straight pitched the blog to her--like aggressively pitched--and she just politely nodded along and feigned interest in my yearlong project. AND I WAS DEVASTATED.

How could Michelle Obama hate my blog? Did she not get it? But wait, no, she's a smart lady--of course she got it--what if she just thinks it's a stupid idea? What if she just thinks I'm stupid?

These were the questions that were running through my mind as I kept stressing out about the first Lady's opinion of my blog. And I hate to admit it, but the whole time I was thinking "Shit, this is going to ruin my chances of having a Julie & Julia White House screening."

I couldn't handle it. If Michelle Obama didn't like my blog, then what was the point of it all? A First Lady stamp of approval would at least double my web traffic! It would open so many doors and opportunities! I couldn't believe I'd fucked this up. But most of all, I was just desperate for her approval.

Then I woke up in a cold sweat, panting heavily. "Dammit, I am a total failure," I thought to myself. "Michelle Obama hates my blog." Then, as I slowly gained full consciousness, I realized how ludicrous the whole thing was.

1. Why would Michelle Obama ever give a shit about my blog?
2. If I did get the chance to meet Michelle Obama, why the fuck would I talk about my blog?
3. The Obamas have probably already seen Julie & Julia.

"I don't care for this Julie Powell woman."

So yeah--just another small window into my rapidly deteriorating state of mind. I'm sure a psychiatrist would say something about "delusions of grandeur" and "homosexual overtones," but I'm just going to chalk it up to my gigantic ego.

Seriously, Michelle Obama? I'm the guy who's watching Julie & Julia every day for a year. You haven't heard of me?

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "You're not a writer unless someone publishes you."