Saturday, April 30, 2011

Day 152 - Simca & Louisette's Books

Day 152.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was walking in downtown Evanston with some of my buddies, when we happened upon a bookstore window display. Through the window, I spotted a book which bore a very familiar name.

SIMCA a.k.a. SIMONE BECK!

It seemed as though Simca, Julia's best friend and co-author of Mastering the Art of French Cooking had written a cookbook of her own called Simca's Cuisine! And Julia was nice enough to write the foreward for it--how delightful!

BFFs (Big Fucking Friends)

Except that means at one point Simca went rogue and thought she could write her own cookbook without the aid of her best friend/only talented author of Mastering the Art. I mean granted, I haven't read either of the cookbooks, but from what I've gleaned from 152 viewings of this movie, Julia Child is perfect and everyone else around her is complete a piece of shit. It's like when members of a rock band start to become full of themselves and all try to pursue solo careers. I'm sorry, Simone, but you ain't nuthin' without Julia Fucking Child. You are the George Harrison in this scenario. Obviously, Julia is both Lennon and McCartney, which leaves Louisette to be Ringo. And no one--NO ONE--wants to be lameass Ringo.

So don't even get me started on this...


Fuck you, Louisette Bert-ass-hole!

You wish you had an iota of the talent that Julia Child does!

So pretty much the rule is that no one but Julia Child is allowed to write a French cookbook. How dare these wannabes even try.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Simca and Louisette are writing a cookbook."

Friday, April 29, 2011

Day 151 - Feedback Friday/Caption Contest Results

Day 151.

Remember three weeks ago when I announced the first Julie & Julia Caption Contest? Of course you do! I know you've all been waiting for this moment and  I'm happy to report that the results are finally in!


And the Winning Caption is:

"This chicken coating is as moist and leathery as my abnormal uterus!" "Julia." "I know, I never learn." Sent in by Duncan D.

Duncan D., your caption doesn't make much sense and all it really did was reveal that you have a sick and twisted mind, but... I dig it. Congratulations! If you have a paypal account, let me know and I'll wire you a dollar or something.

Honorable Mention

"Who knew Paul's camera-dick would come to be so handy?" Sent in by Nathan G.

Haha, camera dicks. Nathan, sorry, but you don't win shit for honorable mention. Try harder next time.

And now... the next entry in the Lawrence/Julie & Julia Caption Contest!


Remember, the rules are simple. Write a hilarious caption/exchange of dialogue for the screenshot of Julie & Julia seen above, email it to me at lawrenceandjulieandjulia@gmail.com, along with your name (First name, last name initial) and where you're from and I'll post the funniest entries next Feedback Friday. Join greats like Duncan D. in the L/J&J Project Hall of Fame (this does not exist and if it did, induction would be meaningless)

***

From Erica L.

Hey Lawrence,

Did you know you're on page two of Google image results for "happy fucking birthday"?  That's an achievement.

Congrats,
Erica L.

Hello Erica,

Wait, that's fucking awesome. Have I arrived or what? Thanks for letting me know! Also, I hate to point this out, but when I google it, I turn up on the first page.

Who is that handsome looking fellow in the bottom left-hand corner?
Is that you, Nixon wolf?

Man, I love the internets. Thanks again for the heads up, Erica! Now I just gotta try to make the page results for "Most Attractive Julie & Julia Stunt Blogger"

Mad Respect,
Lawrence

***

From Whitney M.

my darling dearest Lawrence.. 

In reference to post #60..   I have just recently found your blog and I try to read it everyday. Also, I am ALWAYS stoned as fuck when I do.

love, whitney.

ps - marry me
Whitney!

You may not realize this, but your email is pretty much the epitome of every email I've ever gotten on the lawrenceandjulieandjulia account. Like, you could write the book on sending me emails. Said book would go something like this:
How to Write Lawrence an Email

Step 1: Use an awkward opening salutation that is probably too friendly for the situation
Step 2: Refer to a months-old post that I don't even remember writing
Step 3: Compliment the blog (my favorite step) 
Step 4: Admit to being inebriated/under the influence of drugs while reading
Step 5: Propose marriage

It would be a very short book. And no one would read it. But no seriously, Whitney--you're awesome. Never change. And yes, I will marry you.
Mad Respect,
Lawrence
***

Well that was an oddly arrogant and self-indulgent Feedback Friday... Put me in my fucking place! Send your angry hate-speech-filled emails to lawrenceandjulieandjulia@gmail.com!

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Oh, those are cute."

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Day 150 - Julie & Julia Reimagined: As Beavers

Day 150.

Today was a big day. It was the day that Casey Abrams (my favorite contestant) got voted off American Idol. It was the day of the 2011 NFL draft (possibly the last football-related thing we'll see in a year). It was Steve Carell's/Michael Scott's last day on The Office (I shed a single tear). But most importantly, it is Day 150 of my yearlong quest to watch the movie Julie & Julia 365 times.

150 days. More than 300 hours. That must be some sort of milestone, right? Wrong. That's barely over 40% of the way there. Fuck me.

Ugh.

***

In the past, I've re-envisioned what Julie & Julia would've been like starring Mexicans, dinosaurs, and robots. So the next logical progression would be to imagine how different Julie & Julia would be if every character was a beaver.

Beavers.

Julie and Eric Beaver sit in the living room of their dam.

Julie Beaver: Close the dam door, Eric! This branch stew is getting cold.

Eric Beaver: Branch stew again? Goddammit, Julie. I thought this blogging thing wood force you to cook better food.

Julie Beaver: What "blogging" thing? Don't you mean logging thing?

Eric Beaver: Ah. ha. ha. ha. You're so clever I just want to pelt you with beaver kisses.

Julie Beaver: Seriously though. What the hell is a "blog?" In case you haven't noticed, Eric, we're fucking beavers. We know nothing of the internet. We don't even have thumbs.

Eric Beaver: Oh. Right.

Julie Beaver: Seriously, sometimes you just make me so... so angry!

Awkwardly shoehorning references to 90s Nickelodeon shows into blog posts is my specialty.

***

Julia Beaver sits at her beaver typewriter, beaver typing away at the beaver keys.

Julia Beaver: Dear Avis DeBeaver, I am in my third week at Le Cordon Shrew and I'm in utter bliss. Every morning the sun rises at 6:30 and I gnaw on the front door for a good half hour. By 7:30, I'm in beaver class and we are as busy as... well, us! My teacher, Mr. Woodchuck, sometimes moves so fast that I can hardly keep up with how much wood he chucks. I mean if you could just see this guy waste all of these oaks--you'd think wood grows on trees or something! But I'm way ahead of all the others in the class, all of them dirty muskrats, and all of them unfriendly--until they discovered I was Beaver-licious!

Paul Beaver suddenly bursts into the room, holding a log in his paw.

Paul Beaver: Honey, I'm home! Aaaaand... I've got wood for you!

Julia Beaver smiles widely, her bucktooth grin spanning all the way across her beaver face. She repeatedly pounds the dam floor with her tail and shows Paul her beaver... I mean, herself. Yeah, she presents herself to her husband in a totally non-sexual way... Shit, I hope kids aren't reading this.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "You don't need a diploma to teach."

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Day 149 - Julie Powell: Speed Reader

Day 149.

Today, as I was watching Julie & Julia (as I do), I noticed something kind of interesting. Or rather, I made a fascinating discovery--Julie Powell might be the fastest reader of all time. Allow me to present: Exhibit A.

Exhibit A

Exhibit A: Julie Powell is lying in bed, reading Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child. She appears to have only read a few pages.

Exhibit B

Exhibit B: Julie Powell finishes the page she was on and positions her fingers to flip to the next one, still appearing to be in the very beginning section of this gigantic, 753-page cookbook.

And here's where it gets weird... BAM!!

Exhibit C
Exhibit C: Right before she flips the page, the shot changes and the camera shifts from a side-angle to a frontal one. Julie Powell flips the page and is now at least 3/4ths of the way through the book. Note that she only appears to have flipped a page or two between shots.

Question: How the hell did she read that much in 1/100th of a second?!?

DONE.

Reading that quickly is not humanly possible-- I used to think I was a fast reader in elementary school when I would finish a Boxcar Children book in a week, but this is just ridiculous. All this time I thought she was an idiot, but it seems as though she might be some sort of reading savant. You can't even use the argument that she was just flipping through the cookbook and not even reading it. I saw it with my own two eyes! She's at the beginning of the book, she flips the page, and BAM, she's almost at the end of the book. The only explanation is that she read all those middle parts in a fraction of a fraction of a second!

Even Not Mark Ruffalo can't believe his eyes.

Sure, maybe this is just a sloppy continuity error on the filmmakers' parts, but that's no fun. Plus, I'm pretty sure all movies are perfect. I will now offer a much likelier hypothesis.

Julie Powell reads at a speed of 178,905,729,487 words per minute.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "For the servantless American cook, that's me alright."

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Day 148 - Random Actor Tuesday: Jamie D. Hall

Day 148.

Jamie D. Hall is probably a good person. He probably has loving parents, a crazy uncle, maybe even a sibling or two. He probably had a normal childhood growing up and studied real hard in school. He probably skinned his knees playing kickball at recess and is still ashamed to admit that he bawled like a baby. He probably had his first kiss in 8th grade with a girl named Wendy in the basement of a mutual friend's, but lies about it and says it happened in 6th. He probably has had his fair share of relationships--both good and bad--and maybe, just maybe found the right girl, fell in love and settled down and raised a family of his own. What I'm getting at here is that Jamie D. Hall has probably lived a fulfilling life.

It's just too bad that the only thing Jamie D. Hall will ever be remembered for is his role as "Cheese Guy" in Julie & Julia.

Jamie D. Hall

Cheese Guy.

That's the inherently sad and tragic thing about a lot of the actors featured in Random Actor Tuesday--they are all real people and lead real lives--yet all we ever see them for is their bit parts playing not second, not third, not fourth, or even fifth... but 64th fiddles to the real movie stars.

I don't even know if Jaime D. Hall even wanted to be a real actor--his "Cheese Guy" role seems to be the only one on his imdb page (where they also spell his name incorrectly). And it doesn't look like he has any projects coming up in the near future. This saddens me. Does Hollywood really not have room for the Jamie D. Halls of this world? The guys with killer facial expressions and expert cheese-handling skills? Surely there must be a few  other movies in need of cheese guys!

Here is some cheese for you, Amy Adams!
And this cheese! You can tell it's unique by the surprised look on my face!
Just wait 'till you get home to cut it--get it? Cut the cheese!
HAHAHAHAHA, I, JAIME D. HALL, AM TOO HILARIOUS!

And the worst part of it all is how they don't even embellish his role title or make it sound important at all--"Cheese Guy." Not something cool like "Cheddar Peddler" or "Duke of Limberger." Just "Cheese Guy." At least all of the other food vendors in this film get credited with way more glamorous titles: Fish Monger, Fruit Store Owner, Baker's Wife, to name a few. But no, Jamie D. Hall got stuck with "Cheese Guy." I be he would've killed to be be known as the Baker's Wife! How humiliating.

Jamie D. Hall is probably a really nice guy. He probably hosts dinner parties where he and his friends talk about recent movies starring Meryl Streep, Amy Adams and Stanley Tucci. During these dinner parties, he probably works up the courage to chime in and say, "Hey, I was in a movie with those guys! I was in Julie & Julia!" His friends are probably all super impressed by this, as they're all just lowly accountants and HR reps at the local toothbrush factory. He probably feels really proud of himself for a split second before one of his friends asks him "What part did you play?"

"Cheese guy," he probably responds with a heavy sigh, as he shamefully looks down at the scattered peas on his plate. "Just the cheese guy."

After he puts the kids to bed, he probably hangs himself in the living room. He probably does not leave a note. He probably had nothing left to say.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "You're gonna love that one."

Monday, April 25, 2011

Day 147 - The Lowering of Cars

Day 147.

Being a radio/TV/film major sure has its perks. For one, I get to watch movies in a lot of my classes (forget that my parents are paying an exorbitant amount of money for me to do so). Plus, I'm definitely learning something important about media and culture and... communication, I think? Not to mention that I'm gaining valuable moving-watching experience that I will be able to apply later on in my life (and in this blog!)

But anyways, last week I was afforded the opportunity to watch Rain Man for the first time in my "Making the Bromance" class (Yes, that is a real class), when I noticed something all-too-familiar in the opening credits sequence.


If you've seen Julie & Julia 147 times like I have, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Opening Scene from Rain Man (1988)
Opening Scene from Julie & Julia (2009)

Both films feature drawn-out opening sequences of fancy-looking cars being lowered from the skies!

I mean, these images are literally some of the first things you see in both movies--coincidence? I think not. My initial reaction to watching Rain Man in class was "Thievery! They did this exact scene in Julie & Julia!" But then the logic center of my brain kicked in and I realize that it was probably the other way around.

Julie & Julia (2009)
Rain Man (1988)

So yeah... I don't know what to make of this exactly. Is car-lowering some sort of common cinematic trope that I'm just unaware of? This whole thing is remarkably similar to the lobster cooking scenes in Julie & Julia and Annie Hall. Maybe nothing in this movie is original at all--they're all scenes stolen from older, more noteworthy films. I wouldn't be surprised.

But actually, I'm curious to know what kind of motivation drove both filmmakers to make the thematic choice to open up their movies with cars descending from the heavens above? I mean, I guess its a cool image--and luxury cars play a pretty integral role in the narrative of Rain Man. I just can't figure out why Julie & Julia had to start out that way too. I mean, I guess it illustrated the importance of the Childs' big move to Paris or something. I just can't help but shake the feeling that the J&J producers sat in a room and thought "Hey, Rain Man was a pretty successful movie! Let's just steal their opening credits sequence and hope no one notices!"

Well, guess what probably non-existent faceless producers? I noticed.

(Also stolen from Rain Man: Dual protagonists, one of which is mentally challenged.)

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "It's raining."

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Day 146 - A Frequency Analysis

Day 146.

First of all, Happy Easter Sunday, everyone! And to celebrate Jesus' resurrection, I would recommend re-examining the Christian parallels in Julie & Julia I originally wrote about last Christmas. Fun fun stuff for all of you religious people!

The rest of us will just eat chocolate.

Anywho, last week I received a rather awesome email from reader Jon C. (Twitter: @jcobot), who just happened to be a Senior Data Analyst at his company. And in this email, he performed a frequency analysis of this very blog and took a look at how I use varying words in my posts. The results, which I will share with you below, are quite revealing.

Note: All statistical work/graph-making done by Jon C. No way I could've done this--in fact, I just bombed my Research Methods in Psych midterm.

First off, how much profanity do you use?

Day of Week |
  Total Profanity
Sunday
85
Monday
62
Tuesday
55
Wednesday
46
Thursday
50
Friday
53
Saturday
25

Jon C.: "Damn dude, Sunday is an angry day of the week."
Me: Fuck you, Jon C., you ungrateful piece of shit. (Hey, it's Sunday, isn't it?)

How verbose are you?
 

Day of Week |
Average # of Words
Sunday
580
Monday
464
Tuesday
526
Wednesday
482
Thursday
480
Friday
665
Saturday
361

Jon C.: "Your heart really isn't in it on Saturdays."
Me: Why won't you cut me some slack here, Jon C.? I watch this movie every single day. Now please, just ask yourself: If you were in my position, would your heart be in it on Saturdays?

Now some charts (the Y axis in all of these cases is the day of week since inception)

Profanity Use


Jon C.: "Fuck is an old classic, but some others are trying to make a run."
Me: Fuck their runs.

Who does Lawrence like more: Julie or Julia?


Jon C.: "You may hate her, but you love her. Love to hate her."
Me: I wholeheartedly agree with Jon C.'s analysis. It's much more fun to hate on a stupid bitch than to talk about how amazing Julia Child was.

Jon C.'s Personal Favorite Graph


Jon C.: "And finally, my personal favorite graph."
Me: Mine too. Onions Onions Onions Onions!

So yeah, Thanks Jon C. for your exhaustive statistical breakdown of the Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project! It was very entertaining (for me, anyways). I hope the rest of you enjoyed it as much as I did. I'll be sure to keep all of this data in mind the next time I sit down to write a new post. Hell, I don't even have to try that hard anymore.

Fuck shit bitch Julie Powell onions!

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Clue number one."

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Day 145 - Real Home Cooking By Della Simmons

Day 145.

Della Simmons is a fucking hack. That's right, you heard me, Della. You are the worst cookbook author ever! In fact, I wouldn't even go so far as to call you an author at all, because you can't write cookbooks for shit. You couldn't hold a candle to Julia Child, Simone Beck, or even Louisette Bertholle!

What right do I have to criticize you? Well, I've seen the movie Julie & Julia (more than a few times, actually) and every time I watch the scene when the publishers from Houghton Mifflin reject Julia's manuscript and tell her to rewrite it so it's more like yours, I fucking vomit in my mouth.

The worst book ever written. And yes, even worse than Fallin' Up.

If you haven't seen the film, basically, the publishers at Houghton-Mifflin think Julia's book (which would later become the legendary Mastering the Art of French Cooking) is too encyclopedic for their tastes. Instead, one exec claims that "housewives want something quick, with a mix," and offers up Ms. Simmons' book as an example.

I know what housewives want--I am, after all, a huge misogynist.

Do you get it, Della Simmons? Your book is the exact opposite of Julia Child's, which means it's absolute shit. Like, it is the perfect example of how not to write a cookbook. In fact, the following scene at Avis' house is dedicated entirely to having Simca flip though it so she can straight up take a dump on you.

"Yes, I should have worked with this woman--"Baked Alaska in a Flower Pot."
"What is marshmallow fluff?"

See? They are just picking your book apart piece by piece and revealing it for the superficial piece of shit that it is. Where is your integrity, Della Simmons? Using marshmallow fluff in a recipe. Hmmfph. Real chefs scoff at that. And seriously? Real Home Cooking? More like Fake... Home Cooking.*

*Somebody take Della Simmons to the hospital 'cuz she just got burnnneddd!

Oh wait, nevermind--the book is fake...

From Julie & Julia's IMDB Trivia Page:
"The Publishers at Houghton Mifflin show Julia Child a cookbook entitled 'Real Home Cooking' by an author named Della Simmons. Both the book and author are strictly fictional as there was no such book by an author with that name."
Whoops. Well, that's kind of amusing. Nora Ephron must have been too chicken to criticize an actual poorly-written cookbook so I guess she just made up her own. Sure fooled me good! Now I understand why everyone felt so comfortable just ripping it apart. No actual cookbook author's feelings were hurt in the making of this film!

But still--fuck you, fictional author Della Simmons. I hate everything that you and your shitty excuse for a cookbook stand for.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "I have to make a pear tart."

Friday, April 22, 2011

Day 144 - Arcade Fire

Day 144.

As you all know, I usually like to put off my daily viewing of Julie & Julia until the very last minute--that is, unless I have something better to do on any given night. I usually don't.

Tonight, I do.

Yeah! Cool! I'm going to go see Arcade Fire and The National tonight! Indie/hipster credibility established! For those of you who haven't heard of Arcade Fire, they are a fucking awesome band whose latest album just won the Grammy for Album of the Year, beating out Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Eminem and Lady Antebellum. Fuck you, mainstream acts! Indie music forever! (actively choosing to ignore the fact that a Grammy implies mainstream-ness)

Do you know what else implies mainstream-ness? Movie trailers for beloved children's classics.


Also, Super Bowl commercials.


But actually, "Wake Up" might be the greatest song ever. And Arcade Fire is currently my favorite band.
Current favorite song: "Wake Up" By Arcade Fire
Current mood: happy ;) 
Current blog format: Some 14-year-old girl's old livejournal
But actually, I do have to tie this into Julie & Julia somehow... Hows about I change the lyrics to "Wake Up" to reflect my current blogging situation? Yeah, I'll do that!

Wake Up, Julie Powell!

Wake Up (Julie & Julia Remix Edition)
To the Tune of "Wake Up" by Arcade Fire
(play the song as you read the lyrics for full effect)


Somethin’ made me
pick up, this movie,
watch it every single day.

Though I'm succeeding,
my eyes are bleeding,
and I can't do this anymore.

Julie Powell,
you are a bowel,
movement, you disgust me oh so much.

If it weren't for, Ms. Child,
I'd kill myself viewing, so much, hate compiled.
I'm just a stupid little blogger making word farts, pissing all of his time away.

I'm phoning my post in today-ayyyy--!

If I have to see this movie
I can see where I am goin’ to be
when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand. (This is the actual lyric. It seemed fitting.)

Why can't I just stop this madness?
This film is just total badness.
Why does that guy look familiar?
Julie's husband Eric -- Who--Who is that guy?

He looks like Mark Ruffalo!

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Fire your assistant and don't hire a replacement."

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Day 143 - Belated Birthday(s)

Day 143.

I usually consider myself as someone who holds birthdays in high regard. You know, I like to make a big deal out of them, especially when any of my friends are celebrating theirs. They are super important! But unfortunately, after yesterday, I can no longer say that I am a birthday guy.

I totally forgot not one, but TWO significant birthdays yesterday!

The first one was inexcusable--yesterday, April 20th was the real JULIE POWELL'S BIRTHDAY! (and I only realized this after loyal reader Jody P. pointed it out to me. I would be nothing without you guys.)


My entire life for the past 143 days has been dedicated to hating this woman and I can't even be bothered to remember her birthday?? I am ashamed to call myself a Julie & Julia blogger (Today, even more ashamed than I usually am).

So Julie, I hope you forgive me--Happy belated birthday! You're 38 now! Can you believe that? Only 8 years ago you were toiling away at your yearlong blogging project and now look at you! You're a successful author! And now someone else is toiling away at a yearlong blogging project inspired by you! That's certainly something!

And I'm not going to say anything mean about you today--because hey, it's your (belated) birthday! And everyone deserves to be treated nicely on their (belated) birthdays! Hooray for birth! Or hooray for after-birth, I guess...
Originally, I had google image searched "afterbirth."
I would highly advise against it.

Oh and the second birthday I forgot? It was my mom's. Whoops.



I know, I know--you're all thinking to yourselves, "Lawrence! How could you possibly be such an awful son? To forget your own mother's birthday! What an terrible, unforgivable, heinous act--or rather, lack of act!" And I will admit, I do feel pretty bad...

But not that bad. Because well, I pretty much forget her birthday every year. Because she changes it constantly. Just ask my dad or brother. It literally falls on a different day every year. Chalks it up to the "Chinese lunar calendar" or some bullshit--I'm not buying it, Mom. Like, she'll just wait until it passes and bring it up a week later nonchalantly, saying something like "Oh yeah, and even though it was my birthday 3 days ago..."

And then of course, we'll all feel terrible for forgetting. It's the ultimate Asian mother guilt trip. And dammit if it doesn't work every single time.

Well, sorry again, Mom. Maybe we'll get it right next year.

Happy Belated Birthday, Ma!

I eagerly await your phone call tomorrow where you'll berate me for posting this. Also, it's like a little funny that I missed both these birthdays because I was too busy pretending to be high. I mean, not that funny--but maybe a little funny, right?

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Hi. It's Mom."

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Day 142 - 4/20

Day 142.

Apparently today is some sort of holiday that some people like to celebrate, especially those darned college kids. Now little 'ol innocent me has never known of such debauchery... you know, because marijuana is an ILLEGAL DRUG. But nonetheless, I thought it'd be amusing to see how many actors in Julie & Julia appear to have needed some help from Mary Jane in order to get through this piece-of-shit movie.

High, Meryl!
Yuk it up, druggies
These guys decided to all toke up before cooking class.
Dinner parties suck, unless you are on drugs!
Shrouded in their own pot smoke.
Just keep yukking it up--they're your fried brain cells, after all!
Man, this is a good joint. This restaurant, I mean.  (Also, the joint)

BAD
ASS
Highass
Quick, the RA's coming! Waft it out the window! Waft! Waft!
You can't honestly tell me that these guys aren't high. Killer case of the munchies, brah

So yeah, apparently everyone in this movie was smoking the ganja during production. I don't blame 'em. I'd probably need some sort of drug to get through takes and takes of Amy Adams moaning about this and that (and not moaning in a good way either). Hell, people ask me all the time if I ever indulge in "the weeds" in order to get through my viewing of Julie & Julia every day. Well, the answer is "NO, CANNIBIS IS AN ILLICIT SUBSTANCE IN THE UNITED STATES AND I AM NOT A CRIMINAL."

But... if hypothetically, I was the kind of stereotypical ne'er-do-well who would smoke whilst watching his favorite culinary-themed drama-comedy, I imagine my blog post go something like this:
I am fucking high right now and its awesome. I'm listening to some Grizzly Bear instead of watching Julie and Julia. fucking A man, fucking A. haha that looks like "fucking a man.
ooooh oooh ooooaaah, Shit is mad good. I guess I coud lie and say i watched it today, but then id be lying and that wouldnt be nice of me. yeah i got to watch it. you internet people would know for surrrrreeee.
Man, I am baked lays right now.
Well that fake-high-Dai-atribe wasn't funny at all. You know why?

BECAUSE DRUGS AREN'T FUNNY. 

DON'T DO DRUGS, KIDS.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the L/J&J Project.
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Julie & Julia 
Quote of the Day: "We're going to tear them all down and put up a high-rise."