Monday, February 28, 2011

Day 91 - How the Voters Voted

Day 91.

So I've been on somewhat on an awards show binge recently, what with the Julie/Julia Awards on Saturday the and Oscar liveblog yesterday (Not to mention the awesome Grammy win for Arcade Fire. Boom! Instant hipster credibility!). But the thing that's always bugged me about these awards shows is that they never release the voting data. Who voted for what? How much did so-and-so win by? These are the questions that actually interest me. So that's why I decided to pull back the curtain for the only awards show that I control--The Julie/Julia Awards.



Some observations:

  • Just the Julia Parts from Julie & Julia wins in a landslide for Best Picture. Everyone pretty much agrees on this. How about a director's cut, Nora Ephron?
  • Stanley ekes out JOHNNY SPARKS in Best Actor by one measly vote. You people are all idiots! The one time you get to vote for JOHNNY SPARKS at an awards show and you go for the Pedo-Tucc? Shame on you all.
  • To all those people who were scared that the multiple Meryl Streeps would split the vote, somehow letting Amy Adams get the win--you are idiots. This is Meryl Goddamn Streep we're talking about. Of course she is going to win. Also, I appreciated all those ballots that distinguished which Meryl they voted for e.g. "the third one" and "make sure you count this under the second Meryl Streep"
  • Also, not all of you voted in all categories, which made some stats weird. Learn how to fill out a ballot, assholes. Are you going to vote for just the president in 2012? And not all the little government officials? Oh wait, that's probably what I'm going to do...
  • Apparently, 15% of you thinks Chris Messina resembles Mark Ruffalo more than Mark Ruffalo does. Strange, I thought it'd be much higher.
  • People love Meryl Streep sex scenes. All other movies should make note of this.
  • People also love my chocolate pie creme filling.
  • And stiff cocks.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed that little awards show vacation. Tomorrow, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming with a brand new R.A.T. Fuck, I'm actually going to have to talk about this movie again.

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Julie & Julia 
Quote of the Day: "Blog Z it is." 

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Day 90 - Live Blogging the Oscars (Julie & Julia Style!)

Day 90.

As most of you already know, tonight marks the 83rd Annual Academy Awards, the most exciting, least bloated, yearly celebration of Hollywood's finest. Tonight, we have the pleasure of honoring the best-looking and most talented people in the world. Now, while most people have been watching the pre-Oscars red carpet festivities, I've been dutifully watching Julie & Julia. With that in mind, I plan on taking a stab at liveblogging these here Oscars, evaluating the ceremony through a Julie & Julia-centric lens. You can go anywhere on the internet for live blog snark--but Julie & Julia live blog snark? You're in the right place, friend. So buckle up, everyone. We've got a long night ahead of us.


All times will be recorded in Central time (The best time zone ever!!)

6:41 - First Mark Ruffalo sighting on the red carpet. His wife, whose name is apparently Sunshine, looks stunning. How fitting--the man is married to fucking Sunshine! Ruffalo is up for Best Supporting Actor tonight for his role in The Kids Are Alright. Chris Messina a.k.a "Not Mark Ruffalo" is up for nothing.

7:37 - Cute montage of hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway edited into most of the films nominated for best picture. I have seen 7 of the 10. Unfortunately, not one of them was Julie & Julia. Apparently, films from 2009 aren't eligible for Oscars this year.

7:40 - Franco and Hathaway are giving shout-outs to their parents/grandparents. If Julie Powell's mom was in the audience, she'd be a disembodied voice on the phone who acts like a huge bitch. Like mother, like daughter.

7:43 - Tom Hanks presents the award for Art Direction to Alice in Wonderland. Called it, motherfuckers, right here! That movie was terrible, by the way--would hate to see it every day for a year.

7:47 - Cinematography goes to Wally Pfister for Inception, which is pretty well-deserved. Roger Deakins was sort of robbed though. I bet he's feeling like a real Louisette Bertholle right now.

7:52 - Kirk Douglas is funny. Also, old.

7:58 - Melissa Leo wins the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role in The Fighter. I feel bad for Amy "my sweet sister" Adams, but Leo kind of outshone her. You know, kind of how Meryl Streep outshone Adams in Julie & Julia. Also, Leo just said what I assume to be the phrase "fucking easy" in her speech. Fucking awesome.

8:07 - The biggest lock ever--Toy Story 3 for Best Animated Feature. My boy, Lee Unkrich is up there representin' the Pixar folk. God, I was bawling at the end of that movie. Julie & Julia makes my cry as well, just not in the same way.

8:13 - Aaron Sorkin and The Social Network pick up the adapted screenplay Oscar. When the Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project film goes into production, he's my first choice to pen the script. "The site got 2200 hits within two hours? 22. 22 hits."

8:18 - The King's Speech wins best original screenplay. David Seidler is the oldest person to have ever won this award. I am the oldest person to have ever watched Julie & Julia in its entirety 90 times, I think. Not sure, though. The film's editors might still have the edge.

8:24 - Anne Hathaway and James Franco are cross-dressing. Comical. Also, foreign language film goes to In a Better World. Cool. I have definitely seen that. Do you think the French parts of Julie & Julia would qualify for this category?

8:33 - The winner for Best Supporting Actor is not Mark Ruffalo. No, not Not Mark Ruffalo. Just not Mark Ruffalo. Christian Bale wins it. He was excellent in The Fighter, which also stars Amy Adams. The two had some pretty solid chemistry in the scenes they shared--Amy Adams could've made a passable Catwoman to Bale's Batman in an alternate universe. You know, a universe in which she didn't forever taint her career with her turn as the awful, awful Julie Powell. But I digress. It's nice to see Batman getting some Academy love. Gotta feel for the Ruff though. Next year, buddy--in the Julie & Julia remake.

8:39 - Man, that ABC-Oscar renewal contract plug was hilarious! And totally necessary! Not useless like all those tangential scenes in Julie & Julia.

8:43 - Alexandre Desplat, the composer for both The King's Speech and Julie & Julia, loses Best Score to Trent Reznor for The Social Network. Yeah, that's right, Desplat. You just lost to the guy from Nine Inch Nails. Fuck yeah!

8:47 - Inception wins Sound Mixing. If only these guys could mix the sound of Julie Powell's voice out of my head (bad joke, but hey, I don't got much to work with here!).

8:49 - Inception also takes Sound Editing. I predicted this on my Oscar ballot, so that's something. *insert joke at the expense of Julie & Julia's sound editors here*

8:56 - "That's gross." --Cate Blanchett. Do you know what else is gross? The Wolfman winning an academy award. Psssfth, makeup. Also, Alice in Wonderland winning the award for costume design. I mean, I guess those CGI costumes were well-rendered. Very high-definition images. Also, I wonder why the costumes in Julie & Julia weren't nominated last year. Oh yeah, that's right--because they sucked dick.

9:01 - "We Belong Together" tickles my fancy. Also, fuck the naysayers--Randy Newman is the man. He has his own salad dressing for God sakes! (Yes, I do realize that it is actually Paul who owns the salad dressing. But they're like brothers or something, right?)

9:13 - Strangers No More, motherfuckerssss!!! My Oscar ballot is looking real sharp right now. I just picked this one because it was in the middle. If you don't know the answer, always guess "c."

9:15 - Dammit, I picked the middle one again and lost for Best Live-Action Short. Fuck you, random chance.

9:17 - Auto-tuned versions of Harry Potter, Toy Story 3, The Social Network and Twilight. Kind of funny. Would definitely make Julie & Julia a lot more tolerable. Anyone have any thousand-dollar music producing software I could borrow?

9:20 - Fuck, too bad Banksy didn't win Best Documentary. I actually saw Exit Through the Gift Shop and it was kind of brilliant. I'm sure Inside Job was good, but I'd would've like to see what Banksy would've done with his speech. Also, this documentary detailing the behind-the-scenes life of Terry, the Julie & Julia cat, should have been nominated last year.

9:24 - I know Meryl Streep didn't make any movies last year, but still--where the fuck is she? That woman is a staple of the Oscars! Someone get her an invite, stat!

9:27 - Billy Crystal is here! Awesome! He fucking owned When Harry Met Sally. Remember when Nora Ephron wrote good romantic comedies? Not mindless drek like J&J.

9:31 - Robert Downey Jr.'s killing his awards banter as usual. He and Jude Law did a planned bit about RDJ's storied past--risque. Inception wins Special Effects, obviously. Zero gravity fight scenes will win you Oscars. Somebody should have told Julie Powell this.

9:35 - The Social Network wins for Film Editing. Good sign of things to come, hopefully. Was Julie & Julia nominated for this award last year? The crosscutting montage of Julie chopping vegetables and Julia chopping vegetables was pretty impressive. Oh, and by impressive, I mean totally obvious.

9:44 - Wait, why isn't Gwyneth Paltrow singing Cee-Lo's "Fuck You?"

9:46 - Ahhhh, Randy Newman, you (like Meryl Streep) are a national treasure. Go Pixar Go!

9:52 - Dead people montage. They should probably memorialize Meryl Streep's portrayal of Julia Child. You know, 'cuz she fucking KILLED IT.

10:02 - Kathryn Bigelow presents the Best Director Oscar to Tom Hooper for The King's Speech. Fucking bullshit. David Fincher deserved it 100x more. I know I should be making some kind of reference to Julie & Julia here, but I'm kind of pissed.

10:06 - Tom Hooper tells me to "listen to my mother." If I got movie ideas from my mom, I'd have to make Study Hard, Become Doctor President: The Motion Picture.

10:16 - Natalie Portman wins Best Actress in what was pretty much a lock from the beginning. Black Swan was a riveting film--plus, it has the most intense "That 70s Show" alumni-featured cunnilingus scene in the history of cinema (Well, at least until Ashton Kutcher stars in Killers 2). Portman looks mad hot and mad pregnant as well. If the real Julia Child were watching this, she'd break down into tears. You know, 'cuz she can't have kids and whatnot.

10:25 - In another no-brainer, Best Actor goes to Colin Firth of The King's Speech. After the directing win, its looking like a King's Sweep for the major awards. Dammit. C'mon Social Network! At least Colin Firth is a pretty likable dude--good acceptance speech, King.

10:32 - And... The King's Speech wins it all. I mean, it was a pretty good flick--impossible not to like. Good, inspiring performances. I don't know--just thought The Social Network was a little more ambitious. Plus, years from now, I'm going to remember movies like Inception, Toy Story 3, Black Swan and The Social Network before I even think about some British Oscar Bait (lovingly dubbed "James and the Giant King's Peach" by my buddy Jack).

Oh, and I'm going to remember Julie & Julia too (though I will try my best to bury those memories until they resurface years later in therapy).

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Nothing is impossible." 

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Day 89 - The 1st Annual Julie/Julia Awards

Day 89.

I told you I would wear a tux! (This is definitely not a photoshopped high school prom picture.) 

Good evening and welcome everyone, to The 1st Annual Julie/Julia Awards!!! 

Well, technically, it's going to be the only Julia/Julia Awards because, to be frank, I don't plan on doing this ever again. But regardless, we're here tonight not only to honor the achievements of everyone involved in the 2009 culinary drama Julie & Julia, but also, the many immortal elements of the movie itself. I'm your host, Lawrence Dai, the 5th most read ironic Julie & Julia blogger on the internet and I'm happy to be here, having just finished by 89th viewing of the aforementioned modern classic. Now, at this point in my monologue, I had planned on pointing out celebrities in the audience and making jokes about them--unfortunately, none of the celebrities I invited to my dorm tonight showed up. Really, Chris "Not Mark Ruffalo" Messina?? You were so busy doing what that you couldn't make it tonight? Fuck you, sir. 

Enough unfunny awards show banter. Ladies and gentlemen, The 1st Annual Julie/Julia Awards. The nominees for...

Best Actor who Resembles Mark Ruffalo
Chris Messina (a.k.a. Not Mark Ruffalo)
Mark Ruffalo

And the Julie/Julia Award goes to... Mark Ruffalo!!!

Mark Ruffalo's celebrity look-alike is Mark Ruffalo. There's only a 90% resemblance though.

Best Scene in Julie & Julia
Every Meryl Streep Sex Scene
Meryl Streep Gets Book Deal

And the Julie/Julia Award goes to... Every Meryl Streep Sex Scene!!!

Every Meryl Streep Sex Scene could not be here tonight.
Accepting on its behalf, is this Meryl Streep Sex Scene

Best Meal in Julie & Julia
Bruschetta
Artichokes with Hollandaise Sauce
Poached Eggs

And the Julie/Julia Award goes to... Chocolate Creme Pie Filling!!!

No, not that one.
THIS ONE.

Best Foodgasm Scene


Fishgasm
Buttered Artichokegasm
Stiff Cockgasm
Judith Jonesgasm
NMR Eating Shitgasm

And the Julie/Julia Award goes to... Stiff Cockgasm!!!

Darndest Thing Julie Says

"I thought eggs were going to be greasy and slimy, but it tastes like... cheese sauce."
"I have this fantasy that she [Julia Child] comes for dinner and I show her my new lemon zester. We become very close."
"Is there anything better than butter?"
"Like, if I didn't write, they [my readers] would be really upset."
"I'm dying to meet her [Julia Child]. I would like to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in 1946."

And the Julie/Julia Award goes to... "I have this fantasy that she [Julia Child] comes for dinner and I show her my new lemon zester. We become very close"!!!

Things that sound dirty, but aren't:
"Show me your lemon zester, Amy Adams."

Best Julie Powell Bitchface

Bruschettface
"I looked fat" face
BLOGFACE
Lobsterface
Boning Duckface
And the Julie/Julia Award goes to... Bruschettface!!!

Best Actor
Stanley Tucci (Noted Pedophile)
George Bartieneff (Colonel Sanders)
Eric Sheffer Stevens (Gay PayPal Guy)
Roy William Gardner (Mr. Three Name)
Johnny Sparks (Johnny Sparks!) 

And the Julie/Julia Award goes to... Stanley Tucci!!!

This pedophile edged out Johnny Sparks by one vote!
Best Actress
Meryl Streep
Meryl Streep
Meryl Streep
Meryl Streep
Amy Adams

And the Julie/Julia Award goes to... Meryl Streep!!!

Presumed frontrunners Meryl Streep and Meryl Streep split the Academy vote,
leaving little-known actress Meryl Streep to score Julie/Julia gold.

Best Picture

Julie & Julia
The Julia SNL skit from Julie & Julia
Just the Julia parts from Julie & Julia
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (referenced by Not Mark Ruffalo in the scene where they discuss deadlines)

And the Julie/Julia Award goes to... Just the Julia parts from Julie & Julia!!!

If only, if only...

And that's it, folks! Thanks to all my readers for checking in and voting on the lists of nominees. Congratulations to all the winners, who will each receive a gift basket full of stale muffins and signed photos of myself. I just need your addresses first. Did you hear that, Meryl? If you want a muffin basket, you're going to have to give me your contact information.

Oh, and fuck you, Not Mark Ruffalo.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Congratulations!" "Thank you, guys."

Friday, February 25, 2011

Day 88 - Feedback Friday

Day 88.

As most of you know, I turned 20 yesterday and it's just now finally starting to sink in. I am no longer a teen. And though I'm excited to see what being a twenty-something is all about, I can't help but think of the things that I will never be able to do now that I'm no longer in my teenage years. For example, now that I'm 20, I cannot:
  • Keep up with new technology--much too late to start twittersing
  • Experience teen pregnancy
  • Hang out at Chuck E. Cheese without feeling like a pedophile
  • Molest children without feeling like a pedophile
  • Vote in the Teen Choice Awards (omg justin bieber!!!11!)
  • Skateboard
So many regrets.

Also, I realized that if I got hit by a car and died tomorrow, it would not be all that sad. I mean, I'm not trying to be depressing here--I was just thinking, had I died as a teen, it would have been super, super sad. You know, because people would be like "Oh curse you, God! Why did you rob this intelligent, promising young individual of his youth??? He was going to be president some day, that Lawrence Dai." Whereas now, it'd just be like "Oh well, it's kind of a shame that that happened. He was pretty young, I guess. But still, he made it to his twenties. Plus, he was kind of a dick."

So I guess that's a huge bummer. I have been on this planet for two decades now and what have I done? I've watched Julie & Julia 88 times. Cool. Also, shit--if I did get killed by the hypothetical car, the first lines of my obituary would probably be blog-related. God, I hate that. Note to self: next time, do something less stupid.

NOTE: The Julie/Julia Awards are tomorrow!!! I will be renting a tux!! Cast your final ballots by 12 noon central time if you want them to be counted! lawrenceandjulieandjulia@gmail.com

***

From Ali S.

Hey Lawrence,
Here's a Q. When you watch the movie every day, do you ever do something else at the same time, like work on some homework/reading, have reddit open in another window, chat with friends? Or are you literally eyes-on-the-screen, seriously WATCHING every time you watch?
Mad respect.
A

Dear Ali,

Here's an A. I'm usually trying to multitask (read: jerk off) during each day's viewing, but I still inevitably WATCH most of the movie because I, like any 7-year-old, am drawn to flashing, moving pictures. But yeah, if I didn't afford myself some flexibility at the beginning of this thing, I don't know if I would even be alive. Like, imagine if I was forced me to do this thing Clockwork Orange-style?


But then again, anything that can be considered Clockwork Orange-style has to be pretty fucked up to begin with.

Did You Know? Milk is a great source of calcium!
I hope that answered your question (and made you want to see A Clockwork Orange), Ali.

Mad Respect,
Lawrence

***

From Keri T. 

Subject: I swore I wasn't gonna email you again
But, hey, it's your birthday.
MENNY 'APPY RETURNS!!!!!!! 
And, no, I'm not drunk which makes it all the worse no? Ohhhh well. Freaking out about a major paper that could determine your whole future due tomorrow morning that you haven't even started yet does that to a person I guess. Anyway, I really do wish a happy birthday. 20 is awesome...ummmmm it means you've been alive two whole decades are are this close to drinking legally? Heck, I'm 17 what do I know? Gosh, I'm gonna keep typing 'cause I really don't want to think about that paper. Ummm. So what do you want to be when you "grow up"? I want to write stuff. Oh the irony, I know.But hey, if you're successful enough (oh! THERE's the catch!), you can write what you want. 

I look forward to your posts and have even contemplated jumping on this, er, "journey" with you. You know, watching the movie every day. Not the whole 365, just starting whereever you are and sticking it with you to the end. But not blogging. Or even telling anyone. Yeah, if my mother knew I even read such "worldly" stuff as your blog with all the "bad words" (that I hear [and may or may not use] everyday. I go to college. And worse than that, community college, filled with high schoolers who wish they were mature).........

I am going to shut up now. I am, I really am. Heck, maybe I'll e-mail you again. You know, to redeem myself after this helter skleter mess of an e-mail. Oh crap. I have to go to school and act happy tomorrow. Oh well. So yeah...au revoir and all that. It's nice having something to read that doesn't at all make me money (I work as a visual interpretor and read documents to/for the blind) or enhance my learning. It's also a bonus that every post makes me laugh. Someday, when I'm not dirt broke/saving for a plane ticket outta here (round trip, I'm not running away from home...yet ;) [ok that thing looks way too cheerful]) I will donate moneys to your "cause." Aaaaand more than fifty cents. Aren't I generous? Ok, ok, enough using you to divert my misery. 
Happy birthday!
Dear Keri,
Nah, you're definitely drunk. I just wish that once, someone would send me fan mail while they were sober. Thanks for the birthday wishes, though.
Mad Respect,
Lawrence

***

From Zach S. 

Dear lawrence,

I have been a faithful follower of your blog since the day you graciously
informed me that Stanely Tucci is a pedophile. Julia Child's boyish face did
remind me of my own a small child, but I did not make the connection between
Paul Child's love of Julia Child (he is definitely not a homosexual) and Tucci's
pedophilia. It was then, sometime around finals week, that I decided that you
were a genius, nay a prophet. I too have enjoyed Mark Ruffalo in his roles such
as "The boyfriend" in Where the Wild Things Are and as "Christian" in Mirror,
Mirror II: Raven Dance (Which I most definitely saw). So I decided to watch Julie
and Julia again, in order to fully understand why you hated Julie Powell so much, 
also I was bored over winter break and I have netflix. Thats when I noticed the
Chicken Nugget scene. I turned to my girlfriend, who will remain not imaginary
for the sake of this electronic mail, and said,

"Lawrence has seen this movie like 60 times, WTF he hasn't said anything about
them eating chicken nuggets. He ain't no prophet, he is a fool...a damn fool
(Said like brittany murphy in Sin City)."

Despite my loss of faith, I still continued to read your blog. Mainly because I'm
taking social psych, which is wicked easy. Thats right, I'm one of those guys who
says wicked. However a few days ago I saw that you totally fucking wrote a blog
about the chicken nuggets. Not only that, you wrote about how awesome
chicken nuggets are and how weaksawse morgan spurlock is. You really
shouldn't end sentences with is, but I'm a neuroscientist, not a fucking writer so
i can. also i don't have to capitalize the letter i.

So I decide to write you an Email how you are a super genius prophet messiah
because of stanley tucci, mark ruffalo, and chicken nuggets. I don't know if there
is a difference between prophet and messiah but you get the point.  In order to
do this effectively I was like "I better do some research so i know what I'm
talking about, also I'm not sure why I'm speaking outloud when people in the
library are obviously trying to study." So i stopped talking aloud and got to
wikipedia-ing.

It was then when I ran across a problem. Upon researching the background of
Amy Adams-super bitch, I realized that her and I share too much i common. We
were both born out of the country, and then moved to castle rock, colorado at
the age of 8 or 9.

her views on how her religious upbringing affected her  "... it instilled in me a
value system I still hold true. The basic 'Do unto others...', that was what was
hammered into me. And love." same shit right here (points to soul).

her view on school "I wasn't one of those people who enjoyed being in school."

What she said about hooters "... there was definitely an innocence to my
interpretation of what Hooters was about. Though I did learn, quickly, that short
shorts and beer don't mix!" Have you ever tried to mix beer and short shorts
lawrence? it doen't work. short shorts aren't soluble in water, I learned that
pretty quickly in CHEM 3300.

The scariest similarity of all is the fact that she worked in Boulder, CO. I also
work in Boulder. Who knows what the future holds, but I too could be convinced
to move to hollywood by kirstie alley.

Since you have such a hatred for the character played by Amy Adams, the
transverse property says that you also have a hatred for me. Because of this I
regret to inform you that we cannot ever be BFF's. Despite your super
geniusness modern day jesus approach to a beloved film, we are now enemies.

And because I'm also a college student with obviously too much time on his
hands, I would like to apply to be your nemesis for all future and current endeavors. If you already have a nemesis dibs on a sidekick postition.

Sincerely yours,

Zach S. at CU boulder

Dear Zach,

Your argument is well-articulated and your logic is flawless. I do hate Amy Adams in this movie, so yes, I guess I have to hate you as well. And though I appreciate your interest in the role of my nemesis, I have determined that another candidate is the most qualified for the requirements of this opening (his name is Chuck D. and he's a total douche-nozzle). Unfortunately, you have not been selected for this position. I wish you the best of success with your nemesis search and in any and all of your future endeavors.

Mad Respect,
Lawrence

P.S. If a "sidekick position" becomes available in the near future, we will be conducting another round of interviews to determine the best candidate.

*** 

From Marty B.

Yo Lawrence!!

What are you Oscar picks??

Regards,
Marty B., Phillips Academy, Class of '76

Dear Marty,

Check out the winning ballot, right here. Everyone's predicting that The King's Speech is going to run away with it, but I'm feeling The Social Network. Also, even though it's not going to win, Toy Story 3 really is the best picture.

Me at the end of TS3
But the real awards show will be here, tomorrow, at a time when it's most convenient for me. Tune in to your nearest computing portal then!

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "How much more serious could a person be?"

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Day 87 - A Julie & Julia Birthday

Day 87.

To steal/modify a line I heard from this movie I saw today, "I'm 20. I thought it was going to be terrible but thanks to you, and thanks to Julie & Julia, it feels like I'm going to get through. Cake."






















Special thanks to my best buds in the world--Kaitlin, Annie, Alice, Jon, Green, Arman, Joe, Karam, Ravi and Jasmine--for throwing me an epic birthday bash. Julie Powell may hate her friends, but I sure as hell don't.

And thanks to all my readers too! You guys are all collectively the fucking man!

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Happy birthday to me."

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Day 86 - What Has My Life Become?

Day 86.

So today, I was sitting in my 10:00 am Developmental Psychology class, listening to my professor talk about babies 'n shit--just your regular Wednesday morning, when I experienced something rather out of the ordinary. Transcendental even. And definitely a little bit scary. I had a severe Julie & Julia flashback.

You know, like a movie flashback, but in real life. And I'm not talking about some pussy-ass "Oh, that's funny. This reminds me of that scene when..." kind of flashback. I'm talking about a full-on "the-first-10-minutes-of-this-movie-played-in-my-head-in-its-entirety" kind of flashback. It was clear. It was vivid. It was terrifying.

Allow me to elaborate. We were like 20 minutes into class and I was half-paying attention to the lecture when my professor started a sentence with the word "typically." Now, 86 days ago, I wouldn't have given this another thought--people typically say the word "typically" pretty often. See what I did just then? Point proved. However, this time, it was different. Because right when the "-ly" bit rolled off my professor's tongue, my brain instantly heard the voice of Julia Child/Meryl Streep saying "Typique et charmant."


I don't know if it was the tone or inflection in which he said it, but something about that word, "typically," triggered this bizarre response in my brain. I basically just started to visualize and hear the opening scene of Julie & Julia--in my head.

I will do my best to describe it, but I'm not exactly sure how. I literally couldn't shut it off. Like, I was still in the psychology classroom, watching my professor gesture and move his mouth, but I could not hear anything aside from Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci practicing bad French and talking about how great it was to live in Paris. I could also see them. Not like, ghostly apparitions or anything, but I actually saw them in my head, moving around, eating fish, being happy. It was fucked up.

Plus, that infernal theme music. Jesus Christ, the soundtrack! It was awful. I mean, it's been stuck in my head before, but this time it was just blaring--I couldn't hear anything else that was going on in real life. If someone had blown an air horn in my ear, I doubt I would've moved. And it went on for ten minutes.

And it's not like I was paralyzed or anything. I mean, I could move around in my seat. I just had nowhere to go. Just had to sit there in the middle of psych and experience the beginning of Julie & Julia.

So yeah, that was pretty weird.

Plus, I've had a headache all day long. Not to mention the fact that I had to go back to my dorm after class and actually watch the scene for real. Why did I sign up for this again?

Oh yeah, because I love the attention. And I love you guys, my readers. Worth all the therapy bills? Probably not. And speaking of therapy bills, I'd like to offer a gentle reminder that you can still donate to the Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project using the PayPal button on the lefthand sidebar. I may be slowly going insane, but I'm still well mentally to enough to solicit you all for money.

If you still don't feel obligated to give me your hard-earned cash, please allow me to guilt you into feeling charitable: tomorrow, Thursday, February 24, is my 20th birthday.

Expect a fun post.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Typique et charmant."

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Day 85 - Random Actor Tuesday: Rémy Roubakha

Day 85.

A brief follow-up: Yesterday, I called out Donald B. and Giacomo B. for only donating a few cents to the blog, which after you factor in the PayPal commission fee (those dirty bastards), amounted to practically nothing. Well, they have both since pledged an additional amount of money and I have to thank Donald B., for donating a substantial amount to my gambling fund... errrrr... blog budget... and for renewing my faith in the kindness of strangers--people can change, after all. Giacomo is apparently not a person, as he only donated an additional 2¢ (doubling his original 1¢ contribution). Laugh it up, Giacomo. Laugh it up.

Blah blah The Julie/Julia Awards Blah blah this Saturday blah blah send in your ballots blah blah lawrenceandjulieandjulia@gmail.com

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Today's featured random actor is: Rémy Roubakha, who plays the coveted role of "Oyster Man" in Julie & Julia.

Smile away, Rémy. It will help you forget that your scene in this movie is only 5 seconds long.

Rémy's imdb page is primarily made up of French film/television appearances, which is something I've found to be true with a lot of these imported French actors.

Let me just briefly list off his some of his professional acting roles:
  • "Le Chauffeur de Taxi" in Homocide
  • "Chauffeur de Taxi" in Les Duettistes: Une dette mortelle (TV movie)
  • "Le Chauffeur de Taxi" in The Code
  • "Le chauve du taxi/Passenger in Taxi" in Baby Blood
  • "Le chauffeur de taxi" in Joséphine, ange gardien (TV series)
  • "Taxi Driver #1" in ER.
First of all, they have chauffeurs drive taxis in France? Talk about your luxury! Who drives their limos then? Yuk yuk yuk. And second of all, this guy sure likes playing taxi chauffeurs. Like seriously, he's totally cornered the market on any roles involving a French taxi cab driver. "Oh, you need a French actor to drive the cab in your movie? I know just the guy for you! His name's Rémy Roubakha. He's a total pro."

Rémy may have the taxi chauffeur role down (he certainly looks the part, what with that folksy cap and all), but does he have the acting chops required to master the role of "Oyster Man?" After all, he does need to hold his own in against the the legendary Meryl Streep.

And luckily, for the most part he does fine. And by does fine, I mean he smiles and laughs and doesn't distract from the divine goddess on screen.

"Holy shit, am I about to steal a kiss from Meryl Streep?"
"Nope. She just wanted me for my oysters. Women. They're all the same."

Awwww, poor Rémy. Maybe he thought this gig in Julie & Julia was going to be his big break--his foray into American films. Maybe after nailing "Oyster Man," he could work his way up to "Clam Guy" in the next Batman movie, or "Shellfish Manager" in the sequel to Avatar. Oh well, at least he always has that Taxi driver gig to fall back on--that, and RANDOM ACTOR TUESDAY!!!

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Well, if she's not here, we can take a taxi."