Saturday, November 26, 2011

Day 362 - Blog Posts I Will Never Write

Day 362.

There are officially only 3 days left of the Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project and I'm realizing that even though I've had almost an entire year to wax lyrical on Julie & Julia, I will never have the time I need to truly plumb the depths of this dense film.

And seeing as I'm pretty much out of time, I thought I'd share some of my left-over blog post ideas with you all--things that have been sitting in a word doc collecting dust--remnants of a time where I used to be excited about doing this thing... a time where I was still a whole man, and not the empty shell I am today.

And yes, I realize that a lot of these ideas would've been better than "Julie & Julia Re-Imagined as Deaf-Mutes," but hey, what do you want me to do? Watching a 2-hour movie every day takes time and energy. 2 hours of time and 9 hours of energy to be exact. Anyways, feel free to use these ideas for your own Julie & Julia blogs:

  • Talk about how watching Julie & Julia every day has affected my perception of French people e.g. "None of them are wearing berets and horizontally striped black and white shirts!"
  • Write a song about Julie & Julia, play/sing it, rake in royalties 
  • Choreograph an interpretive Julie & Julia-themed dance, remake Black Swan with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams, but only record the cunnilingus scene
  • Paint a portrait of Julie & Julia, then superimpose myself into the painting
  • Julie & Julia in a post-modern context (I was going to do this one, but I never figured out what I actually meant when I came up with the idea)
  • Begin a fashion line inspired by Julie/Julia, call it "Butter"
  • Sew an embroidered/cross-stitching about Julie & Julia 
  • Totally bogus inaccuracies and bloopers in Julie & Julia (this probably could have been funny. oh well)
  • Sculpt some sort of ceramic pottery that has to do with Julie & Julia, done in the style of Ghost, with me as Demi and Stanley Tucci as Swayze


  • Invent my own recipe with the worst/best items used in Julie & Julia (I probably actually should have done this one)
  • Go to work dressed like Julie and/or Julia
  • Spend a day dressed like Julie/Julia
  • Do other famous movies if they were about blogs – if The Godfather was filmed as a dual-narrative about an old mafia family killing people and a modern-day blogger killing people in honor of Don Corleone.
  • Julie & Julia: A case for women staying in the kitchen (back when I wanted to alienate my entire readership)
  • Dialogue type things where it's Amy Adams' character from other movies placed into Julie & Julia (this also could have been funny, but would've required me to watch other Amy Adams movies... too much Amy Adams)
  • Talk about how Linda Emond, the actress who plays Simca, is one of the few people to have been in all four original Law & Order franchise shows (Law & Order, L&O: SVU, L&O: Criminal Intent, and L&O: Trial by Jury)
  • Do a lesbian reading/interpretation of Julie & Julia, film a lesbian porn based on said reading/interpretation, jack off to own reading/interpretation
  • Start making hats
  • Start playing bridge
  • Visit Julia Child's grave, place butter on it as a tribute a la Julie
  • Churn my own butter to place on Julia Child's grave
  • Dig Julie Powell's grave
  • Pre-emptively pee on the grave I've dug for Julie Powell
  • Live-stream my final viewing, which concludes with me shooting myself in the head

Damn. These are all pretty good ideas for posts. I probably should have worked harder and found the time do these. Fuck that, though. Someone else can take up my mantle. I'm out of this J&J game. For good. I guess I can still do that last one...

Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "He spent three days being grilled in a windowless room with a foot-high stack of papers ominously sitting on the table."


  1. Wow, Linda Emond's really been around the Law & Order block.

    This post made me laugh out loud. I would have loved to see more of the Ghost scene, but that picture will have to tide me over for now. Mmmmm, Stanley Tucci's massive head.

  2. *No one* has said you can't go to the final viewing part dressed like Julia Child, or wearing stripy black shirts and a beret.

  3. As a woman, I would never take offense if you suggested that Julie Powell should stay in the kitchen. Just for the record.

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