Saturday, October 29, 2011

Day 334 - How Hot is a Stiff Cock Exactly?

Day 334.

We all know the scene--Julia Child has fallen completely in love with cooking and she can't contain her excitement. Paul writes to his brother Charlie:
Dear Charlie,
 
Julia in front of her stove has the same fascination for me as watching a kettle drummer at the symphony. The oven door opens and shuts so fast, you hardly notice the deft thrust of a spoon as she dips into a casserole, and up to her mouth for a taste check like a perfectly-timed double beat on the drums. Then with her bare fingers, she snatches a set of cannelloni out of the pot of boiling water, and she cries, "These damn things are as hot as a stiff cock."

HILARIOUS! STIFF COCKS! JULIA CHILD TALKIN' BOUT STIFF COCKS! COMEDY GOLD!

But, I have one lingering question... Just how hot is a stiff cock exactly?

I ventured to the internet to find out, but soon realized I wasn't going to find out what I wanted by Googling "How hot is a stiff cock?"

Here's what I did find. At least the last result was relevant.
Or maybe they were all relevant... Only one way to find out.

So then I realized I had to make a few assumptions... like the temperature of a stiff cock would be similar to the temperature of the stuff inside it.


Oh answers.com. You truly do have an answer for everything! Well, everything except "How hot is a stiff cock." No matter though. From this we can deduce that:

Stiff cocks are at least 98.6° F

...or normal body temperature, which compared to boiling cannelloni water (212° F) doesn't actually seem that hot.


So technically, by saying "These damn things are as hot as a stiff cock," Julia is actually saying that these cock-like things in her hands aren't that hot at all. Or at least they are less hot than the boiling water from whence they came (haha, came).

So what have we learned from all of this? Either Stanley Tucci ejaculates boiling hot semen or Julia Child's similes are all shock and no substance.


Still though--"Hot as a stiff cock?" Never not funny. I forgive you for your factual inaccuracies, Julia Child. As long as those stiff cocks keep coming out of your mouth.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Julia Child said, "Hot as a...?"

8 comments:

  1. http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=how+hot+is+a+stiff+cock
    Apparently a stiff cock is kind of chilly.

    When they inevitably make the Lawrence & Julie & Julia movie, "Hot as a stiff cock" should be tagline.

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  2. I bet you wrote the DEAR CHARLIE letter (word for word) from memory.

    Jane~
    Keepingthepoundsoff.com

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  3. A stiff cock would be 98.6 degrees because of the blood inside its erectile tissue, not because of the temperature of semen. Semen is produced and stored in the testicles, which are separate from the body for the very purpose of keeping sperm cooler than 98.6 degrees so they don't die. Which is how I knew Quinn was a total liar when she said Finn was the father on Glee.

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  4. I think she wasn't talking about "hot" as in temperature-wise, but rather as in hot = sexy. Of course the cannelloni water was temperature-hot, but the cock would have been sexy-hot. Which is just as hot as whoever is saying the expression personally thinks it is. Which, according to the movie, is pretty hot! :)

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  5. Actually, an erection is caused by a rush of blood to the area, so I would wager that a stiff cock would be higher than the average temperature of the body. While 98.6* is what we are told is our body temperature, it is only an average. Right now at this very moment, there are places that are cooler than this temperature as well as hotter all at the same time which is why it is recorded as an average of 98.6*. Furthermore, even though the testicles must be kept cooler to keep the semen cooler, it doesn't mean the cock would be because it is not meant to dwell there, only to travel through. I still don't think it is as hot as boiling water, but it's gotta be more than 100* for sure.

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  7. Pretty sure she was talking about chicken.

    ReplyDelete
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