Sunday, October 2, 2011

Day 307 - The Best Times to Masturbate During Julie & Juila (pt. 1)

Day 307.

Okay, Okay, I know what you're thinking. "Ewww, Lawrence! Why would you ever jerk it to Julie & Julia? That's like, totally gross." Well, allow me to clarify--I'm not saying that you should masturbate to Julie & Julia. I'm just saying that if you absolutely have to masturbate to Julie & Julia, these would be the most opportune times to do so. You know what I'm talking about. Like, there are only so many hours in a given day. Sometimes your "me time" is going to overlap with your "J&J time." Anyways, read on at your own risk.

1:36 - If you're a quick finisher, then Meryl Streep smelling this fish will totally get you right past the threshold. You can even pretend that that you're the one causing her to make that face!

3:50 - Not really that great of masturbatory material, but the first appearance of Amy Adams before she speaks i.e. Amy Adams at her absolute hottest. And her haircut doesn't look awful here. Good enough for me! Also, if you need any more convincing, the name "Dick" is short for "Richard."

11:26 - If you have a bitch fetish.

24:30 - Old people sex is the best kind of sex. Oh wait, did I say "best"? I meant "most wrinkly." Still though, this scene is 10x steamier than most pornos.

29:02 - What'll look like when you're finished masturbating to Julie & Julia.

39:53 - For all you animal-slaughtering fetishists out there. This movie was practically made for you!

51:09 - Again, not your typical sexual fantasy. I just derive deep physical pleasure from every single one of Julie's failures.

52:32 - Yeah, that's right, Julie. Hit yourself. Yeahhhh, alllll riiight. Hit yourself hard. Just slap that face of yours. Just like that. Yeahhhh, that's greatttt...

53:31 - Ohhh... Uhhh... Your sadness... Ergghhh... Misery... Yesss... Tears... Yess... Yessss... YESSSSS!!!

58:23 - Don't judge me. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT.

Well, at least until part 2, that is.


Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Please don't yell at me."


  1. beyond brilliant!

  2. i know this post is going to pop into my head at inappropriate times during the week and i'm going to burst out laughing in the middle of the grocery store, bank, etc. so thanks. but reminds me, i need eggs...

  3. oh god...I didn't take your warning seriously...

  4. Must be getting close to end, here!

  5. Hahahahahahahahahahaha! This is the best post, by far. It really illustrates the restrictions of the self-imposed prison you've created here.

  6. So freaking funny! Loved it!!! -Alicia

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