Sunday, September 4, 2011

Day 279 - Imprisonment

Day 279.

Wait, what? What's that you say? I have to watch the movie Julie & Julia every day for a year??? Why, I'd rather be locked up in Alcatraz!


I'm not gonna lie--being locked up in prison is nothing to joke about (Don't drop the soap--HAHAHAHAHAHA GAWSH DATS FUNNIE). I probably would not last long in any jail cell on account of my soft skin and and vulnerable internal organs. But then again, after touring the world's famous Alcatraz penitentiary facility today and learning about inmates' living conditions, prison life doesn't seem that bad to me now.

Did you know that inmates wouldn't be forced to watch Julie & Julia every day? In fact, they probably wouldn't even be allowed to watch it once! What a great place! A true utopian society to behold!


Just look at what great facilities they had back then! Not a TV or laptop or portable DVD player or iPhone in sight! How wondrous! Just you and your thoughts in a nice cozy little room, with no Julie Powell around to make you want to cut yourself with a lemon zester.


This prison life would truly be bliss. Imagine a world void of wannabe actors who look like Mark Ruffalo. Just good 'ol tattooed bald guys named Slash and Gummer. You know what they say, prison friends are friends forever.



And you're lucky, you'll get solitary confinement--now that's where I wanna be! Ahhhhh yes--the hole. Peace and quiet at last...


No... no.. no... the voices... the goddamn voices. Oh no... not here, I thought... I thought I could get away from it all. Goddammit, get out of my head! Just leave me alone!

B-b-b-b-butter... buttttttteerrrr... sweet, sweet b-b-butter... yesssss, come to me... yuuuummmm...

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "So, long story short, another meltdown."

11 comments:

  1. this was hilarious!!
    hang in there; watch it in another langauge now. spanish or something hang in there
    you can do this
    throw up or have a tequila
    strongs to you

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha you said "Gummer" - That's Meryl Streep's married name. Her husband and children all have that last name. Gummer is a tad strange, not gonna lie.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The ever-present Julie & Julia is a nice touch.

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