Sunday, August 21, 2011

Day 265 - Poached Eggs

Day 265.

Today is the 265th day of the Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project, which means I, Lawrence Dai, have seen the movie Julie & Julia 265 times. It also means that there are...


That's right, everyone! There are only 100 days to go in this ill-thought out stunt blog of mine! Hooray! Almost there, sort of...

In honor of this relatively meaningless milestone, I decided to finally try my hand at poaching an egg. In the film, Julie Powell makes a big 'ol kerfuffle out of the whole ordeal and frankly, I don't know why. It all seems pretty straightforward to me. *cue everyone who's ever poached an egg simultaneously rolling their eyes*


I've seen this movie plenty of times and from what I can tell from the characters' dialogue/actions, the whole process can basically be boiled down (HA!) into three major steps.
  1. Obtain fresh eggs. "Julia says the eggs have to be fresh."
  2. Boil some fucking water. "It's simmering."
  3. Crack eggs into water. Stir. "Immediately and gently push the white over the yolk with a wooden spoon for two to three seconds."
Mad simple, right? Right.

The setup.
As you can see, I even purchased a copy of Julia's famous cookbook (THE ONE FROM THE MOVIE), Mastering the Art of French Cooking, to use as a prop. Of course, I didn't bother reading the chapter on poaching eggs--that, my friends, would be cheating. If this movie is as accurate as it claims to be, then I should have no problem learning how to poach a fucking egg just by watching it (a shitload of times).


Note: All those photos of me and my brother should probably be cropped from the bottom, as Julie actually is doing all of this above the stove--there was just no way of getting the camera over there. I pretty much left them uncropped 1. out of laziness and 2. so you can see my kick-ass apron. Onto the egg poaching!


Looking good so far, looking good... time to gently push the white with the wooden spoon just like the movie says...


Well, fuck. That didn't work at all. Just looks like some shitty half-assed eggdrop soup. Better try another egg.



So... uhhh... that's definitely something, right? That might be confused for a poached egg by someone... a blind guy, maybe. FUCK YOU, JULIE POWELL, YOU SAID THIS WOULD BE EASY!!!


Not exactly the same facial expressions. In fact, my brother looks rather disgusted. Well shit--that was a disaster. Probably because I didn't use fresh eggs. Those eggs were like, a week old. GODDAMNED STALE EGGS RUINING MAH SHIT!!! Never mind that, though. I seem to have salvaged something that might actually resemble a poached egg! (in an alternate universe, maybe)


Time to chow the fuck down!!!


And that's that. 265 days down. Only 100 more to go.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "I had this notion, God knows why, that poaching eggs would be simple."

15 comments:

  1. aloha, thanks for your post. hilarious. was having a bad day (end of summer vacation....and umm, I'm a teacher). now better..and I have never tried poaching an egg :-)

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  2. You are right. That is one kick ass apron. You should do a fashion show of different aprons you like to wear while watching Julie&Julia.

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  3. This was so good and funny, thanks Lawrence! Shame, poaching eggs has become easy with the new pan gadgets and microwave gadgets :-) but that sure did look veeerrryy difficult and unyummie to me in the movi too
    congrats on only 100 to go! hang in there!

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  4. I tied poaching an egg after i watched Julie and Julia and i got it right :) (smug)

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  5. Poached eggs are my favorite - but I do not make them julia's way or Julie's way. I crack the egg onto a shallow dish and then gently slide the egg into the simmering water.

    I was thinking: it is a good thing your started this blog at the time you did - next year is Leap year and if you had started blogging two months later you would have to watch the movie ONE WHOLE EXTRA TIME!

    Jane
    Keepingthepoundsoff.com

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  6. BUT DID IT TASTE LIKE CHEESE SAUCE???

    That attempt went remarkably well after the Chocolate Creme Pie Catastrophe and the Aspic Disaster. I bet the apron made all the difference!

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  7. Damn, Lawrence! That IS a kick ass apron! You've got mad swag.

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  8. you're doing it wrong, brag

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbAQgJF3d7E

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  9. good work - kudos to your assistant too. I went to a restaurant that put the egg on saran wrap and then tied it up before poaching it - seemed like an obviously easy solution. They also put butter and herbs in the saran before the egg, so it looked tasty, but like Julie Powell, I don't eat eggs so I don't have a clue if it actually WAS tasty.

    99 to go, kinda like the beer song...

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  10. CONGRATULATIONS! Only 97 more to go at this point. That really is quite a feat.

    Ha, never poached an egg. I'll just avoid that.

    Cheers,
    nicole.

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  11. i actually was inspired by julie powell recently and by inspired i mean i wanted to prove to myself that she is in fact a complete idiot. So i decided to learn how to poach an egg, and i learned that she doesnt know anything, good thing i had the internets

    ReplyDelete
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