Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Day 253 - I Got Burned

Day 253.

Today, while assisting my sister-in-law prepare a beef roast for dinner, I burned myself on a fucking meat thermometer. The damned thing was, dare I say it...? Hot as a stiff cock!


Fuck you, meat thermometer! Why didn't you tell me you were scalding hot? I mean, just because you were in the oven for a half an hour and your temperature gauge was way up in the red area doesn't necessarily mean you were hot!


Fuck you, oven! This whole thing is a giant conspiracy!


Fucking hand burns, man. I forgot how much they hurt. For those of you who were wondering, they hurt a lot. And you underestimate how often you use your hands too. I mean, I use my hands at least 4-7 times/day. This is going to be incredibly inconvenient for me here on out. I blog with that hand! What am I supposed to do now? typikh witfhg ma noees/>?

How did neither Julie nor Julia ever burn themselves to the point of visceral career-ending pain during this shitty movie? I imagine with all the cooking they did, they'd at least grab a red-hot meat thermometer or two in the process.


Maybe I'm just a pansy. After all, I have watched Julie & Julia more times than most other guys (correction: more than EVERYONE IN THE WORLD).

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "You burned the stew?"

18 comments:

  1. Never trust a Meat Thermometer...you never know where its been LOL ! Congrats on BON !

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  2. Lawrence, aside from your injury, this post was the funniest thing I've read in quite some time. Mind you, I attribute a great deal of my giddiness to a certain muscle relaxer but I could also relate which made it even funnier. While you have certainly seen Julie & Julia more times than anyone, be assured you are not the only guy who has seen it on their own accord. My husband has chosen it as his fall asleep movie for the past few weeks. He even quotes lines and I tell him about your posts each night. We were going over ideas as to what you'll do when this adventure is over and are curious to see.

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  3. "I mean, I use my hands at least 4-7 times/day. " heh heh

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  4. Did you put egg whites on it??

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  5. Ouch!! I did that once - just once! - with a sautee pan; had browned a whole chicken breast, then stuck the pan in the oven to finish cooking, and simply reached for the handle to take it out when it was done. Oops.

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  6. I burned my fingers once when trying to clean around the stove burner after spilling hot tapioca pudding all over it. Yeah, I didn't expect it to be scalding hot either. it's not like the burner was red anymore.

    Anyway, having burns exposed to air actually makes it hurt more. I know, hard to avoid air, right? When the pain is really bad, dunk your hand in a bowl of cool or lukewarm water. It's a bit inconvenient, but just do it between those 4-7 moments during the day when your hands aren't doing anything. Keep it wrapped up in gauze any other time.

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  7. Wow, I just found this website and I thought I watched the movi a lot 5 times over the last week!

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  8. This is why I have an aloe plant. I burned myself on the hand last week, applied aloe the first two hours. Mega blister by morning. Six days later it has finally healed to the point that I no longer need to keep it covered - and I almost burnt it tonight cooking shimp.

    Jane~
    Keepingthepoundsoff.com

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  9. I laughed out loud in response to your pain and your love of this movie. Definitely looking forward to future posts.

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  10. I just found your blog on the 'Blogs of Note', so first off, congratulations! Your dedication to this is AMAZING and I'm utterly amused by the principle of watching this movie every single day for a year.

    And, stoves terrify the fuck out of me.

    cheers,
    nicole.

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  11. You're hilarious! I can't believe you've made it this far. Respect. This is kind of late, it sounds ridiculous, but whenever I get burned, I use a wet teabag on it. (like an actual tea-making teabag, get your mind out of the gutter) Just the standard issue, normal brand tea. Use cold water to wet the bag, leave it on the burn for like 15 minutes. No pain the next day and I usually don't even have a mark from it.

    Good luck with the next 100 days!

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  12. Fuck you, oven.
    It's a giant conspiracy.

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