Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Day 205 - Alternate Julie & Julia Taglines

Day 205.

I've only been on the job for three days, but Heat Advertising already has me hard at work brainstorming potential taglines for one of their clients (I am not at liberty to disclose which one). I'm trying very hard to make a good first impression with the higher ups, but soon enough, they'll see me for the fraud I am and realize that my creative juices are strictly limited to making jokes about Julie Powell's ridiculous sayings and how Chris Messina looks like Mark Ruffalo.

"He looks like Mark Ruffalo, right? Doesn't he? Doesn't he??"
"Lawrence, you need to put your pants back on and return to your desk."

But seriously, I've had a lot of fun writing taglines these past few days. So much fun, in fact, that once I got back from work, I found myself still in tagline-writing mode. Curious, I looked up the promotional taglines Julie & Julia and here's what I found:
"Passion. Ambition. Butter. Do you have what it takes?"
"Based on two true stories."
Pretty pedestrian lines, if you ask me. More like "Shitty. Fucking. Movie. I'd rather be baked." Or how about "Based on one true story and one boring-as-shit-I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-this-blogger-woman story?" Not bad, right? And in that state of mind, I went into my 205th screening of Julie & Julia with the goal to write some quality alternate taglines for the film. I hope you enjoy them.

Prepare to be underwhelmed.
Where's the beef (bourgignon)?
You won't believe time could move this slowly.
Dropping a huge blog.
Where boning ducks is a good thing.
Julie & Julia: Why Not?
Hey, at least Meryl Streep is in it.
A tale of bitches, bitches and more bitches.
Definitely a movie.
Not your grandmother's culinary-drama. Probably your mother's though. Actually, scratch that--your grandmother will love this.
Amy Adams is hot (just not here).
If you like cooking, you might like this movie.
Man, Tucci's face at 33:07 is funny.
Because nothing else is on.
Evil has a new face--and she's crying over burnt stew.
France sure is a beautiful place to live.
2 hours has never seemed longer.
He's not Mark Ruffalo, but he's damn close!
Something to rent on a rainy day.
With an ampersand, so you know it's good.
Cook. Blog. Kill yourself.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Would a breakfast work?"

9 comments:

  1. Hate 'em. Stop pumping your office and do the stuff we expect from you, fuckwit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ya know, you only have 160 viewing left....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Garrett, that was rude. Lawrence needs to get some type of inspiration for posts, especially since he's used up most of his creativity already on this shitty movie.

    I say, the more power to him.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, Sammy, shut up, girl. Make me some popcorn.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Where boning ducks is a good thing."

    LOVE IT. hehehe

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Definitely a movie"
    Hehehehehe


    What does Stanley Tucci's face look like at 33:07? I MUST KNOW.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This has got to be my favorite post so far!

    ReplyDelete
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