For those of you who remember my misguided attempt at cooking on Day 34 will understand why I haven't tried to cook again since. But there's a second time for everything, right? And what better way to celebrate the 200th day of the Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project than by trying to recreate Julie's disastrous aspic.
|No, not ass pic.|
Of course, looking up the actual ingredients/recipe would be considered cheating--I swear to only use what I learned from dialogue in the movie to cook up my aspic:
"We are, I am sorry to say, entering aspics. An aspic is sort of a beef-flavored Jell-O mold. Doesn't that sound delicious? I can't imagine why no one makes them anymore. You begin with a calf's foot, which I am in possession of thanks to my sainted husband, and you boil it until your kitchen smells like a tannery. And then it gels in the refrigerator and you flip it onto a plate."Cool. Here we go, bitches. Oh, and I should mention I'm back in San Francisco for the summer, so it will be my brother/sister-in-law's kitchen I will be ruining today. Thanks, Lance & Maria!
Again, like last time, I had to improvise a lot of the ingredients--"beef-flavored Jell-O mold" isn't much to go off of. Let's start off by whipping out that calf's foot.
|Where did you get that thing, NMR?|
To be perfectly honest, I looked everywhere (read: two supermarkets) and I couldn't find a fucking calf's foot. Like, seriously, where are you supposed to go to buy a calf's foot? That is a ridiculous food item to purchase. Anyways, I decided that a pig's leg would suffice in place of the calf's foot--and pretty much grocery store I know (in Chinatown) has those.
|Pork legs are dirt cheap!|
|Probably for good reason.|
|What the fuck is that blue spot?|
|Look at them piggy toes. Mmmmm... good.|
Pretty gross, right? I can't imagine what that's going to taste like in Jell-O. Well, pretty soon I won't have to. I'll just know.
|Boiling water for the Jell-o|
|This kind of cooking, I can handle.|
Oh shit, I just remembered I don't have a nifty Jell-o mold like Julie Powell does! Never fear, I do have this angel food cake container that'll do in a pinch. One problem though--it's filled with angel food! What to do, what to do?!!?
I cleaned the thing out the best I could. Whatever, I'm sure it'll be fine. Up next, the meat. I was looking for some beef, you know, to account for the "beef-flavor" that Julie Powell was talking about, but I'll let you in on a little secret--beef is expensive! I don't have the blog funds for high-grade steak, or even low-grade steak for that matter (I would if you ungrateful readers would DONATE once in awhile). My sister-in-law suggested I just get spam instead, which I did. Spam is much funnier anyways.
|Spam: the perennial punchline of the canned meat community.|
|My sister-in-law also pointed out that the can was molding because it had probably|
been sitting on the shelf for years. Don't worry, it should keep till 2014.
|There's no way anyone actually eats this stuff.|
|Even ironically, this is fucking gross.|
|Meat really shouldn't look like that when you cut into it.|
|Actually, nothing should look like that when you cut into it.|
|However, that being said, is that some JELLY I spy!?!?!|
|IT IS, IT IS!!! WE'RE WELL ON OUR WAY TO ASPIC CITY!!!|
|I cubed the shit out of that Spam.|
So after making the compromise on the spam, I figured the "beef flavor" had to come from somewhere. I take the culinary arts very seriously, after all. Enter, ramen.
|6-PACK BEEF FLAVOR (coincidentally, the nickname for my abs)|
Well that certainly looks delicious. Off to chop the pig's foot now. Shouldn't be a problem.
|What up, foot knuckle hair?|
|Not working out too well...|
|At least the beef flavor is setting in nicely.|
|Time to do what I do best.|
Success! Now, to add the Jell-o!
|Orange, Strawberry, AND Lime!|
|Wet + Dry/Spam/Pig Leg = Gross|
|Why use another clean cup when you have SPAM CAN?|
|Adding some more Beef Flavor for taste.|
|Testing out the Jell-o...|
|...Just a little dip, is all.|
|Wouldja look at that.|
|Couldn't find plastic wrap... I did find a garbage bag though!|
|Cool for 5+ hours|
|Aftermath. Don't kick me out, guys.|
|Had to add the second layer. I think I mighta made too much.|
And 5 hours later...
|Prepping the aspic for flippage.|
|The thing was deceptively heavy.|
|BAM, MARIA! ULTIMATE SISTER-IN-LAW!|
|The moment of truth.|
|Audience collectively gasps.|
|Now, to try a piece...|
|Not so bad...|
|Oh wait, all that beef flavor is kicking in...|
|Voila, my aspic masterpiece.|
|Doesn't that look fucking delicious?|
|I am the greatest chef in the world.|
|Jello Spam, anyone?|
|At least mine didn't totally collapse like...|
Well, that sure was fun. At least now I remember why I don't cook--I'm just too good at it. Happy 200th, everyone!
Julie & Julia Quote of the Day: "How many more aspics are there?"