Friday, May 20, 2011

Day 172 - Michelle Obama

Day 172.

Last night I had a Julie & Julia-related dream (as I often do) that I was hanging with First Lady Michelle Obama. Needless to say, it was pretty weird.

What up, First Lady of the United States?

And when I say weird, I mean weird in the sense that it was just incredibly realistic. Not that me meeting Michelle Obama is something plausible--I'm just saying that there weren't any jumps in time or flying unicorns or anything. Now you'll have to believe me that I don't ordinarily dream about the First Lady. Not that she isn't a beautiful woman. She is. She's just not my typical "woman of my dreams," if ya know what I mean.

That spot is reserved for Jill Biden. Yowza.

But anyways, back to the dream. In it, I was just walking down some street with Michelle Obama and her daughters and for some reason, I felt compelled to talk about my blog--this blog--the incredibly stupid place on the internet where I regale tales of watching Julie & Julia every day.

First of all, I found it bizarre that the First Lady of the United States didn't have anything better to do than listen to me ramble on about Random Actor Tuesday and Feedback Fridays, but this is dream logic, right? It doesn't have to make any sense.

Anyways, as I was saying, I just straight pitched the blog to her--like aggressively pitched--and she just politely nodded along and feigned interest in my yearlong project. AND I WAS DEVASTATED.

How could Michelle Obama hate my blog? Did she not get it? But wait, no, she's a smart lady--of course she got it--what if she just thinks it's a stupid idea? What if she just thinks I'm stupid?

These were the questions that were running through my mind as I kept stressing out about the first Lady's opinion of my blog. And I hate to admit it, but the whole time I was thinking "Shit, this is going to ruin my chances of having a Julie & Julia White House screening."

I couldn't handle it. If Michelle Obama didn't like my blog, then what was the point of it all? A First Lady stamp of approval would at least double my web traffic! It would open so many doors and opportunities! I couldn't believe I'd fucked this up. But most of all, I was just desperate for her approval.

Then I woke up in a cold sweat, panting heavily. "Dammit, I am a total failure," I thought to myself. "Michelle Obama hates my blog." Then, as I slowly gained full consciousness, I realized how ludicrous the whole thing was.

1. Why would Michelle Obama ever give a shit about my blog?
2. If I did get the chance to meet Michelle Obama, why the fuck would I talk about my blog?
3. The Obamas have probably already seen Julie & Julia.

"I don't care for this Julie Powell woman."

So yeah--just another small window into my rapidly deteriorating state of mind. I'm sure a psychiatrist would say something about "delusions of grandeur" and "homosexual overtones," but I'm just going to chalk it up to my gigantic ego.

Seriously, Michelle Obama? I'm the guy who's watching Julie & Julia every day for a year. You haven't heard of me?

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "You're not a writer unless someone publishes you."

2 comments:

  1. This is hilarious! Your mind is messed up.

    ReplyDelete
  2. How are there not more comments on this post? This was hilarious.

    ReplyDelete