Thursday, April 28, 2011

Day 150 - Julie & Julia Reimagined: As Beavers

Day 150.

Today was a big day. It was the day that Casey Abrams (my favorite contestant) got voted off American Idol. It was the day of the 2011 NFL draft (possibly the last football-related thing we'll see in a year). It was Steve Carell's/Michael Scott's last day on The Office (I shed a single tear). But most importantly, it is Day 150 of my yearlong quest to watch the movie Julie & Julia 365 times.

150 days. More than 300 hours. That must be some sort of milestone, right? Wrong. That's barely over 40% of the way there. Fuck me.



In the past, I've re-envisioned what Julie & Julia would've been like starring Mexicans, dinosaurs, and robots. So the next logical progression would be to imagine how different Julie & Julia would be if every character was a beaver.


Julie and Eric Beaver sit in the living room of their dam.

Julie Beaver: Close the dam door, Eric! This branch stew is getting cold.

Eric Beaver: Branch stew again? Goddammit, Julie. I thought this blogging thing wood force you to cook better food.

Julie Beaver: What "blogging" thing? Don't you mean logging thing?

Eric Beaver: Ah. ha. ha. ha. You're so clever I just want to pelt you with beaver kisses.

Julie Beaver: Seriously though. What the hell is a "blog?" In case you haven't noticed, Eric, we're fucking beavers. We know nothing of the internet. We don't even have thumbs.

Eric Beaver: Oh. Right.

Julie Beaver: Seriously, sometimes you just make me so... so angry!

Awkwardly shoehorning references to 90s Nickelodeon shows into blog posts is my specialty.


Julia Beaver sits at her beaver typewriter, beaver typing away at the beaver keys.

Julia Beaver: Dear Avis DeBeaver, I am in my third week at Le Cordon Shrew and I'm in utter bliss. Every morning the sun rises at 6:30 and I gnaw on the front door for a good half hour. By 7:30, I'm in beaver class and we are as busy as... well, us! My teacher, Mr. Woodchuck, sometimes moves so fast that I can hardly keep up with how much wood he chucks. I mean if you could just see this guy waste all of these oaks--you'd think wood grows on trees or something! But I'm way ahead of all the others in the class, all of them dirty muskrats, and all of them unfriendly--until they discovered I was Beaver-licious!

Paul Beaver suddenly bursts into the room, holding a log in his paw.

Paul Beaver: Honey, I'm home! Aaaaand... I've got wood for you!

Julia Beaver smiles widely, her bucktooth grin spanning all the way across her beaver face. She repeatedly pounds the dam floor with her tail and shows Paul her beaver... I mean, herself. Yeah, she presents herself to her husband in a totally non-sexual way... Shit, I hope kids aren't reading this.


Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "You don't need a diploma to teach."


  1. I really BEAVER enjoyed those BEAVER puns.
    now to go listen to some JUSTIN BEAVER

    1. IEEE Final Year Project centers make amazing deep learning final year projects ideas for final year students Final Year Projects for CSE to training and develop their deep learning experience and talents.

      IEEE Final Year projects Project Centers in India are consistently sought after. Final Year Students Projects take a shot at them to improve their aptitudes, while specialists like the enjoyment in interfering with innovation.

      corporate training in chennai corporate training in chennai

      corporate training companies in india corporate training companies in india

      corporate training companies in chennai corporate training companies in chennai

      I have read your blog its very attractive and impressive. I like it your blog. Digital Marketing Company in Chennai Project Centers in Chennai

  2. love it.
    As your biggest Canadian fan (i hope) I totally approve of this post. did you know one of our national symbols is a beaver?
    (trust me. i totally know the other meaning)
    Also, I used to work for a newspaper called the Beaver.

  3. Too bad you're clearly not a How I Met Your Mother fan, because they had an entire episode dedicated to dirty beaver-related sexual innuendos. It was hysterical, just like this post.

  4. Literally, the funniest thing ever

  5. By 7:30 I'm in beaver class and we're as busy as -- well -- us! this post very very funny : )

  6. As the most common spectator pursuit in The world, it 's no wonder that we have many nfl (soccer) apps available on the AppStore for the purpose of Apple devices for example the iPhone 4S.

  7. La ragione popolarità di ristorante milano è che essi presentano i pasti nel modo più fantasioso e creativo possibile. Ogni piatto è come un'opera d'arte per chef italiani. Sono gli unici ristoranti che producono le pizze da 20 pollici, che hanno respirato varie verdure diverse, frutti di mare, le spezie e carni che non si sarebbe nemmeno pensare di combinare.

  8. Versatile Money are one of the greatest and longest settled UK logbook advance suppliers and they have the most reduced APR accessible, lower than the majority of their rivals. The commonplace APR is 385.2%. payday loans

  9. Megabox HD is quite a safe app and doesn't damage your device in any manner. Go for more interesting information source on watch movies online.

  10. شركة تنظيف خزانات بجدة
    شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام
    شركة نقل عفش واثاث
    شركة نقل عفش بالرياض وجدة والدمام والخبر والجبيل اولقطيف والاحساء والرياض وجدة ومكة المدينة المنورة والخرج والطائف وخميس مشيط وبجدة افضل شركة نقل عفش بجدة نعرضها مجموعة الفا لنقل العفش بمكة والخرج والقصيم والطائف وتبوك وخميس مشيط ونجران وجيزان وبريدة والمدينة المنورة وينبع افضل شركات نقل الاثاث بالجبيل والطائف وخميس مشيط وبريدة وعنيزو وابها ونجران المدينة وينبع تبوك والقصيم الخرج حفر الباطن والظهران

  11. Thank you for sharing an interesting and very useful article. And let me share an article about health here I believe this is useful. Thank you :)

    Manfaat Buah Pisang Untuk Wajah
    Obat Sakit Pundak dan Leher
    Ciri-ciri Penyakit Asbestosis


  12. نحتاج الى تنظيف الخزان بصفة دورية للحفاظ على الماء نقيا وذلك بالتعرف على افضل شركة غسيل خزانات بجدة تقدم افضل الخدمات الجيدة في تنظيف وتعقيم الخزانات ولكي يتم تعقيم المنزل من الأفضل ان تقوم بعمل مكافحة للحشرات بواسطة ارخص شركة مكافحة الصراصير بجدة التي تتعامل في مكافحة الحشرات وتستخدم مبيدات آمنة ومضمونة