Friday, February 25, 2011

Day 88 - Feedback Friday

Day 88.

As most of you know, I turned 20 yesterday and it's just now finally starting to sink in. I am no longer a teen. And though I'm excited to see what being a twenty-something is all about, I can't help but think of the things that I will never be able to do now that I'm no longer in my teenage years. For example, now that I'm 20, I cannot:
  • Keep up with new technology--much too late to start twittersing
  • Experience teen pregnancy
  • Hang out at Chuck E. Cheese without feeling like a pedophile
  • Molest children without feeling like a pedophile
  • Vote in the Teen Choice Awards (omg justin bieber!!!11!)
  • Skateboard
So many regrets.

Also, I realized that if I got hit by a car and died tomorrow, it would not be all that sad. I mean, I'm not trying to be depressing here--I was just thinking, had I died as a teen, it would have been super, super sad. You know, because people would be like "Oh curse you, God! Why did you rob this intelligent, promising young individual of his youth??? He was going to be president some day, that Lawrence Dai." Whereas now, it'd just be like "Oh well, it's kind of a shame that that happened. He was pretty young, I guess. But still, he made it to his twenties. Plus, he was kind of a dick."

So I guess that's a huge bummer. I have been on this planet for two decades now and what have I done? I've watched Julie & Julia 88 times. Cool. Also, shit--if I did get killed by the hypothetical car, the first lines of my obituary would probably be blog-related. God, I hate that. Note to self: next time, do something less stupid.

NOTE: The Julie/Julia Awards are tomorrow!!! I will be renting a tux!! Cast your final ballots by 12 noon central time if you want them to be counted! lawrenceandjulieandjulia@gmail.com

***

From Ali S.

Hey Lawrence,
Here's a Q. When you watch the movie every day, do you ever do something else at the same time, like work on some homework/reading, have reddit open in another window, chat with friends? Or are you literally eyes-on-the-screen, seriously WATCHING every time you watch?
Mad respect.
A

Dear Ali,

Here's an A. I'm usually trying to multitask (read: jerk off) during each day's viewing, but I still inevitably WATCH most of the movie because I, like any 7-year-old, am drawn to flashing, moving pictures. But yeah, if I didn't afford myself some flexibility at the beginning of this thing, I don't know if I would even be alive. Like, imagine if I was forced me to do this thing Clockwork Orange-style?


But then again, anything that can be considered Clockwork Orange-style has to be pretty fucked up to begin with.

Did You Know? Milk is a great source of calcium!
I hope that answered your question (and made you want to see A Clockwork Orange), Ali.

Mad Respect,
Lawrence

***

From Keri T. 

Subject: I swore I wasn't gonna email you again
But, hey, it's your birthday.
MENNY 'APPY RETURNS!!!!!!! 
And, no, I'm not drunk which makes it all the worse no? Ohhhh well. Freaking out about a major paper that could determine your whole future due tomorrow morning that you haven't even started yet does that to a person I guess. Anyway, I really do wish a happy birthday. 20 is awesome...ummmmm it means you've been alive two whole decades are are this close to drinking legally? Heck, I'm 17 what do I know? Gosh, I'm gonna keep typing 'cause I really don't want to think about that paper. Ummm. So what do you want to be when you "grow up"? I want to write stuff. Oh the irony, I know.But hey, if you're successful enough (oh! THERE's the catch!), you can write what you want. 

I look forward to your posts and have even contemplated jumping on this, er, "journey" with you. You know, watching the movie every day. Not the whole 365, just starting whereever you are and sticking it with you to the end. But not blogging. Or even telling anyone. Yeah, if my mother knew I even read such "worldly" stuff as your blog with all the "bad words" (that I hear [and may or may not use] everyday. I go to college. And worse than that, community college, filled with high schoolers who wish they were mature).........

I am going to shut up now. I am, I really am. Heck, maybe I'll e-mail you again. You know, to redeem myself after this helter skleter mess of an e-mail. Oh crap. I have to go to school and act happy tomorrow. Oh well. So yeah...au revoir and all that. It's nice having something to read that doesn't at all make me money (I work as a visual interpretor and read documents to/for the blind) or enhance my learning. It's also a bonus that every post makes me laugh. Someday, when I'm not dirt broke/saving for a plane ticket outta here (round trip, I'm not running away from home...yet ;) [ok that thing looks way too cheerful]) I will donate moneys to your "cause." Aaaaand more than fifty cents. Aren't I generous? Ok, ok, enough using you to divert my misery. 
Happy birthday!
Dear Keri,
Nah, you're definitely drunk. I just wish that once, someone would send me fan mail while they were sober. Thanks for the birthday wishes, though.
Mad Respect,
Lawrence

***

From Zach S. 

Dear lawrence,

I have been a faithful follower of your blog since the day you graciously
informed me that Stanely Tucci is a pedophile. Julia Child's boyish face did
remind me of my own a small child, but I did not make the connection between
Paul Child's love of Julia Child (he is definitely not a homosexual) and Tucci's
pedophilia. It was then, sometime around finals week, that I decided that you
were a genius, nay a prophet. I too have enjoyed Mark Ruffalo in his roles such
as "The boyfriend" in Where the Wild Things Are and as "Christian" in Mirror,
Mirror II: Raven Dance (Which I most definitely saw). So I decided to watch Julie
and Julia again, in order to fully understand why you hated Julie Powell so much, 
also I was bored over winter break and I have netflix. Thats when I noticed the
Chicken Nugget scene. I turned to my girlfriend, who will remain not imaginary
for the sake of this electronic mail, and said,

"Lawrence has seen this movie like 60 times, WTF he hasn't said anything about
them eating chicken nuggets. He ain't no prophet, he is a fool...a damn fool
(Said like brittany murphy in Sin City)."

Despite my loss of faith, I still continued to read your blog. Mainly because I'm
taking social psych, which is wicked easy. Thats right, I'm one of those guys who
says wicked. However a few days ago I saw that you totally fucking wrote a blog
about the chicken nuggets. Not only that, you wrote about how awesome
chicken nuggets are and how weaksawse morgan spurlock is. You really
shouldn't end sentences with is, but I'm a neuroscientist, not a fucking writer so
i can. also i don't have to capitalize the letter i.

So I decide to write you an Email how you are a super genius prophet messiah
because of stanley tucci, mark ruffalo, and chicken nuggets. I don't know if there
is a difference between prophet and messiah but you get the point.  In order to
do this effectively I was like "I better do some research so i know what I'm
talking about, also I'm not sure why I'm speaking outloud when people in the
library are obviously trying to study." So i stopped talking aloud and got to
wikipedia-ing.

It was then when I ran across a problem. Upon researching the background of
Amy Adams-super bitch, I realized that her and I share too much i common. We
were both born out of the country, and then moved to castle rock, colorado at
the age of 8 or 9.

her views on how her religious upbringing affected her  "... it instilled in me a
value system I still hold true. The basic 'Do unto others...', that was what was
hammered into me. And love." same shit right here (points to soul).

her view on school "I wasn't one of those people who enjoyed being in school."

What she said about hooters "... there was definitely an innocence to my
interpretation of what Hooters was about. Though I did learn, quickly, that short
shorts and beer don't mix!" Have you ever tried to mix beer and short shorts
lawrence? it doen't work. short shorts aren't soluble in water, I learned that
pretty quickly in CHEM 3300.

The scariest similarity of all is the fact that she worked in Boulder, CO. I also
work in Boulder. Who knows what the future holds, but I too could be convinced
to move to hollywood by kirstie alley.

Since you have such a hatred for the character played by Amy Adams, the
transverse property says that you also have a hatred for me. Because of this I
regret to inform you that we cannot ever be BFF's. Despite your super
geniusness modern day jesus approach to a beloved film, we are now enemies.

And because I'm also a college student with obviously too much time on his
hands, I would like to apply to be your nemesis for all future and current endeavors. If you already have a nemesis dibs on a sidekick postition.

Sincerely yours,

Zach S. at CU boulder

Dear Zach,

Your argument is well-articulated and your logic is flawless. I do hate Amy Adams in this movie, so yes, I guess I have to hate you as well. And though I appreciate your interest in the role of my nemesis, I have determined that another candidate is the most qualified for the requirements of this opening (his name is Chuck D. and he's a total douche-nozzle). Unfortunately, you have not been selected for this position. I wish you the best of success with your nemesis search and in any and all of your future endeavors.

Mad Respect,
Lawrence

P.S. If a "sidekick position" becomes available in the near future, we will be conducting another round of interviews to determine the best candidate.

*** 

From Marty B.

Yo Lawrence!!

What are you Oscar picks??

Regards,
Marty B., Phillips Academy, Class of '76

Dear Marty,

Check out the winning ballot, right here. Everyone's predicting that The King's Speech is going to run away with it, but I'm feeling The Social Network. Also, even though it's not going to win, Toy Story 3 really is the best picture.

Me at the end of TS3
But the real awards show will be here, tomorrow, at a time when it's most convenient for me. Tune in to your nearest computing portal then!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "How much more serious could a person be?"

4 comments:

  1. i'm going to choose to believe that you KNEW james van der douche cries/makes that face when joey leaves him in season 1 (2?) of dawson's creek, and didn't just happen upon that picture while googling "crying moron" or something. because that would make that jpg's presence SO much more entertaining to me.

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  2. Have you noticed how akward the scene is when Julie and NMR are wathching the old SNL clip of Dan Aykroyd as Julie Child?

    I think it's the worst scene in the movie. I hate Julie's fake laughter.

    MY

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  3. @Zach --
    There's no reason not to end a sentence with is: "That's the way it is" is perfectly acceptable. Are you thinking that you shouldn't end sentences with prepositions (like "in" or "at"---those are two-letter words, too)? But even that rule has outlived its usefulness.

    @Lawrence--
    It tickles me that many of your readers want to be writers, but yet are quite awful at writing. At least you don't suck, most of the time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @anonymous --

    Thank you for that educational comment. It tickles me that you felt the need to comment on an email that I wrote when I was very drunk as a means of entertainment. What I wrote probably made people laugh, hopefully including a few jolly fat people who sound like santa when they laugh (ho ho ho). Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for what you wrote @lawrence. That was an awful joke ("Most of the time"- how clever) and probably very insulting to poor alcoholic Keri T. I am sure you are the judge of who is a "quite awful" writer with such an elegant writing style and in no way a condescending tone.
    I hope you fail at everything

    Zach S.- CU Boulder

    ReplyDelete