Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Day 71 - Random Actor Tuesday: Helen Coxe

Day 71.

Today's featured actress is Helen Coxe, who plays Dorothy de Santillana, Julia Child's editor at Houghton Mifflin.

De Santillana? Funny, I don't look Hispanic at all!

Helen Coxe is the lady on the left, obviously. In this scene, she is sitting at a boardroom table with Julia Child, Simone Beck, Avis De Voto and three other Houghton Mifflin executives, who are all are meeting about potentially publishing Julia's French cookbook. Coxe's character, Dorothy de Santillana, loves Julia's first draft, but is unable to convince her bosses to publish a giant set with multiple volumes. But I usually can't concentrate on what's going on plotwise, because I am almost always caught staring at Helen Coxe's gargantuan nose.

Holy Schnikes! That thing is huge!
Now I'm not one to judge actresses based on their appearances, but Jesus Christ does this lady need a nosejob, stat. And don't get me wrong--I'm not endorsing the Hollywood culture of excessive cosmetic surgery, but that bigass honker of hers just seems hazardous to her health, not to mention to those around her. You could poke an eye out with that thing!

It looks like its about to eat her face.

Seriously, check out that giant fucking schnozzola. It's too distracting! I can't watch this scene without tracking its every movement. Also, the Julie & Julia costume designers/make-up people don't do Ms. Coxe any favors by throwing those goofy-looking, horn-rimmed, thick black glasses on her face, which only accentuate how comically-sized her nose is. She seems like a perfectly capable actress. I just can't get over that nose--literally. Where is her face? I can't find it!
I did some extra snooping and found the photo shown above on her imdb page. She actually looks great! Maybe she should just stipulate in her acting contracts that she never be shot from the side. I mean, she could potentially be the next acting legend, but no one would know on account of that goddamned beak of hers.

Helen Coxe's nose is the only olfactory protuberance that can be viewed from space.

I really don't intend for this post to be mean-spirited. I just think that someone should do her a favor and give her a rhinoplasty ASAP. Like, she really, really, really needs a nosejob. Mr. Coxe? Valetine's Day is coming up soon. Seems like a pretty romantic gift to me. Who am I kidding, there's no Mr. Coxe. Unless she's married to Pinocchio.

Mr. Coxe

And their son, Doug
And their other son, Stinky

Ahhh, I am kind of a huge bully-douche. Sorry, Helen Coxe. I know that you didn't sign up for this. But then again, no one ever signs up for RANDOM ACTOR TUESDAY! 

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Julie & Julia Quote of the Day: "Now, you place the chicken on its stomach and cut along the backbone to the pope's nose, like so."
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17 comments:

  1. i'm, like, in love with you. i hope that's okay.

    pinocchio, doug, and stinky would be a wonderful big-nosed family. There's also Phineas, whose whole face is like, a giant nose.

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  3. I always thought she looked like an old Chloe Sevigny.

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  5. Early in her career, Meryl was frequently turned away by casting directors because of her nose. By extension, if you were in charge Lawrence, you would have told her to get a nose job. And then we never would have had LA STREEP. YOU TRAITOR LAWRENCE.

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  6. This cracked me up completely at work! I love this blog...

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  8. dickface is a bit harsh, no?

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  9. There is something to be said for actresses who keep their large noses and receeding chins and crooked teeth. They certainly get more parts in movies that take place before 1960, before plastic surgery and cosmetic dentistry became so popular. If she had a regular nose, she'd look like every other marginally attractive 30-some actress in Hollywood. I vote -- keep the nose.

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  10. The post is pretty cruel; I can only imagine that Ms. Coxe read the post (because I can only imagine that mid-level actors trying to make it have set up a Google Alert for their name), and I'm sure she'd be upset if she read it, even though actors need thick skin to be in the biz. L, would you have said these things to her face?

    I hope she's proud of her unique feature and can use it to the best of her ability to land unique parts.

    That said, and @Anonymous10:15

    It's a giant schnoz! It's like Mt. St. Helens' top blew off and landed on her face!

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  11. Oh my...just scared my Timneh African Grey with my sudden outburst of laughter...this is the SEINFELD of blogs!

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  12. Jennifer Grey got a nose job and her career tanked and most blame it on the nose job. Maybe Helen took a lesson from that.

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  13. Helen Coxe was a great actress already so no need to go such far, she already had her own name and her nose wans't that bad after all.Though if she wanted to undergo Rhinoplasty Los Angeles would be the best place to choose. This place is quite well-known when it comes to Rhinoplasty.

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  14. I happen to know Helen personally and what is most beautiful about her is her amazing spirit, incredible sense of humor and humble appeal. These are what make a person beautiful. The fact that you are ignorant to that truth only makes me pity you.

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  15. You were trying to be mean, and... you are a huge douche. If you weren't trying to be mean, you wouldn't have put this post up. What's sad here is you trying to make this blog happen, and the wretched commenters using lame internet memes from last year (It's "Timmeh", not "Timneh", you sad loser freak) trying to join in. Not one of you is going to get time in a film with Meryl Streep, either, so you have no business making fun of her. Get a life.

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  16. Helen Coxe was my favourite actor. I watched all her move and really he work so great. In my opinion hew need to go for the nose surgery.

    nose surgery

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