Sunday, January 30, 2011

Day 62 - What the Fuck is a Cobb Salad?

Day 62.

Two months already? Damn, time just flies when you're watching the same two-hour movie every day... Seriously though, when did this happen? Like, making it this far is pretty embarrassing, don't you think? At least I only had to cook once. God, I am a loser. 2 months down, 10 to go.

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If you've ever seen Julie & Julia before or have been following my blog at all, you're probably already familiar with the ritual Cobb salad lunch scene. You know, the one that Julie Powell is "dreading, dreading, dreading?" Let me refresh your memory.

Observe the wild bitcho sapiens in their natural habitat.

Basically, the scene's sole purpose is to illustrate that there are people out there who are more conceited than Julie Powell. Naturally, these people are Julie Powell's best friends. Also, it's called the Cobb salad lunch because they all order Cobb salads with slight variations: 

Casey Wilson: Cobb salad, no bleu cheese
Ethnic Woman: Cobb salad, no beets
Reporter Woman: Cobb salad, no bacon
Julie Powell: Cobb salad no eggs ('Cuz she's never had an egg before! That's right! It all fits!)

I think that when Nora Ephron was writing this scene, she meant for it to seem insightful and revealing of the high-powered women's culture in New York i.e. they can't enjoy food because they're too concerned about body image or something. But instead, they just come off as bitches who love salads and conformity (she might have been going for that too). As a male with a strict no-salad policy, I hadn't the faintest idea of what a Cobb salad was, so I wikipedia'ed it.
"The Cobb salad is a main-dish garden salad made from chopped salad greens (iceberg lettuce, watercress, chicory, and Romaine lettuce), tomato, crisp bacon, boiled or roasted chicken breast, hard-boiled egg, avocado, chives, red-wine vinaigrette and Roquefort cheese.[2]
I notice that not one of those listed items in a Cobb salad was "steak." I mean bacon is fine, but what gives with the rest of those ingredients?

I don't get this. Where's the fucking beef? And what's all this lettuce doing in my bacon??

Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm operating under the assumption that this is a pretty standard salad? I mean, I'm really not familiar with salads at all, aside from "Caesar" and "tossed." Fruit salad is a type of salad too, along with potato, I'm pretty sure. All I'm trying to say is when I first heard the words "Cobb salad," a bunch of shitty vegetables were not the first thing that came to mind.

Leo-DiCaprio-playing-"Cobb"-in-Inception-salad.
Clay-Matthews-ending-Kevin-"Kolb's"-season-salad
Corn-on-the-cob-salad

I just fail to see the appeal of any kind of food that isn't delicious steak.

Ignore those shitty "vegetable" things in the upper left-hand corner.

Plus, I can only imagine the reactions of the restaurant owners when they see Julie and her friends waltz into their fancy restaurant every week during lunchtime: "Oh, just great. It's those fucking dykes* who come in here every week only to order those cheap-ass Cobb salads again. That's literally all they order. Meanwhile, they chat away on their fucking cellphones about million dollar deals and pantyhose, while all of our other patrons spend real money to buy real food. Our business model will no longer be sustainable if we keep letting these entitled white bitches in here and allowing them to only order salads."

*Note: In this hypothetical scenario, the restaurateurs are bigots.

In other words, support your local butcher--BUY BEEF!

BEEFBEEFBEEFBEEFBEEFBEEFBEEF
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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Don't bait Father about politics when he comes."

11 comments:

  1. The Cobb Salad is an exceptional salad if done right. The problem is every place does it differently.

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  2. Kevin Kolb eats Cobb Salads

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  3. Actually, I think Ephron was going for the persistent, annoying pickiness that image-conscious women under the age of 45 exhibit when they go to restaurants. You know: "I'll have the veggie burger, but can you add bacon?" or "I ordered low-fat dressing ON THE SIDE. Send it back!" or "I want DIET coke. Nothing but DIET."

    Still, I think you got the gist. Each time I watch the Cobb Salad Lunch Scene, I laugh at women everywhere.

    Including myself.

    Even though I refuse to drink that Diet Coke crap.

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  4. I think women like Cobb salads because the lettuce is chopped into small pieces so you can eat it in a tidy, ladylike way. It doesn't fall off the fork and onto the silk blouse, resulting in a huge drycleaning bill.

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  5. I've been known to occasionally eat a salad (when they're out of steak, that is), but even to me that sounds like a really half-assed salad. It's the "lets get rid of everything that's about to go out of date" salad.

    Also, I watched Shutter Island last night, and I could think was "Mark Ruffalo, Mark Ruffalo, Mark Ruffalo"

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  6. Actually, the Cobb salad is a fairly manly salad even by the standard of "hurf durf I'm a man don't bring me any of that rabbit food LOL" as the bulk of its composition is fatty non-leafy green items. It was also created at the Brown Derby, which is pretty cool.

    DON'T RAG ON THE COBB MAN. Also, your jokes are usually better than boring old gender-role jokes that middle aged people make. Get back with the program!

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  7. this was such an "all american male" blog...I'm hoping tomorrow's will be better!

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  8. Aww.. leave Lawrence alone - after all, he did just admit he's a loser! But hey, we are all here reading it, so what does that say about us?

    P.S. I LOVE cobb salad because it's way more than rabbit food.

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  9. Actually, restaurants make more money on salads than they do on steaks. So, they probably mostly hate them when they walk in the door because they are annoying, useless people, saying stupid things with their stupid mouths. That's reason enough, though.

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  10. i loved this post! i thought it was one of the more funnier ones...the corn on the cobb picture made me loolllll

    also, did you know, Jennifer Aniston said she ordered Cobb salad for lunch almost every day of shooting Friends during the ten years that the show lasted.

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