Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day 51 - Julie Powell Says the Darndest Things (pt. 5)

Day 51.

And so, after many days of quote-jotting and snark-making, we finally come to a close. Part 5 of Julie Powell Says the Darndest Things follows.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the biggest, most useless, whiny bitch of them all?"

"You have such a sense of Julia when you do something like this, as a teacher, as a voice." 

Wow, seriously--I know you are full of yourself, Julie Powell, but c'mon, I thought you were making progress before. And now you go back to these outlandish proclamations of how you are "in touch with" someone you've never met.

"I have conversations with her while I'm cooking." 

That's actually a medical condition. I think it's called schizophrenia.

"And I feel like she is there with me in the kitchen." 

Yeah, someone needs to write this woman a prescription for crazy pills.

Reporter: "She's like your imaginary friend."

Julie Powell: "Yes."

10 years later...

Psychiatrist: "She's like your imaginary friend."
Julie Powell: "Yes."
Psychiatrist: "I am going to suggest that we start meeting for 2-hour long sessions from here on out. And bi-weekly too."

"And of course, she is the person I write for everyday." 

No, Julie.
You should write for YOU. Write for yourself. (Oh, wait--you already do that. And it's unbearable. Nevermind then.)

"Although I don't think she ever reads it. I don't know."

I don't know either, but if I had to hazard a guess, I would think she is too busy not knowing how to turn on her computer.



Oh, old people! This world makes no sense to you at all.

"I'm dying to meet her. I would like to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in 1946."

Again, what a strange remark. It just baffles me how all of these characters just seem to ignore these things that come out of Julie's mouth as if they weren't completely insane. Also, it baffles me how no one has punched her in the fucking face yet.

"I realize that would take an inexplicable episode of time travel, but that is the sort of thing I think about." 

If I could travel back in time, I would prevent the Lincoln and Kennedy assassinations from happening (sorry Garfield and McKinley), give Hitler's mom an abortion and train an army of dinosaurs to do my bidding--but no, being a bridesmaid in Julia Child's wedding would be cool too, I guess...
 
"I read somewhere that it was bad form to say 'yum' while eating, but 'yum!'" 

I read somewhere that it was also bad form to say "FUCK YOU, JULIE POWELL, YOU SELF-CENTERED BITCH!"

"But she [Julia Child] said I wasn't respectful, or serious, or something." 

I don't know about the first two, but you certainly aren't something.

"There's nothing wrong with her [Julia Child]. Nothing. I've spent a year with her. She's perfect." 

Delightful? Certainly. Perfect? I don't know... She was
a woman, after all.

(I sincerely apologize for that last sexist remark. I do acknowledge that 90% of my readership is made up of women, and I want you to know that I consider men and women equals on all fronts. Now, if you wanna be a baby doll and go ahead and make that sandwich for me, that'd be super...)

"She saved me. I was drowning and she pulled me out of the ocean." 

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but does it not sound like Julie thinks Julia Child is her lord and savior? (well, either that, or a Mexican fishing boat)

"So its over."

Oh thank you, God.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "This thing weighs like two pounds." 

10 comments:

  1. It's actually not called schizophrenia.

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    1. Late in replying, but have to say, if she is having hallucinations of people with her when she cooks, then yes, it is

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  2. Sure, sweetie, while I do that, why don't you go take the garbage to end of the driveway and unclog the toilet?? (I'd rather make a sandwich!) Are you surprised that your readership is mostly female?

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  3. So... inspired by reading your blog, I actually read the book (it was sitting there at the library the other day). Julie -- much less annoying than I would have thought, especially since you called my attention to how much crying she really does do in the movie. While there is crying in the book, she actually seems to have funny moments which are interspersed. Crying only happens about once a month or two weeks, and you actually hear about the days in between.

    I think you need to take the Lawrence/Julie/Julia project one step farther. You've got to read the books (Julie and Julia, My Life in France, etc. etc.)!

    If only to survive the next... 628 hours, give or take :D

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  4. where is your proof for this statement regarding the gender of your readers/public/people/followers/disciples?

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  5. you have opened my eyes. I thought the movie was kinda boring but it does seem like julie thinks julia is her lord and savior...too bad she doesnt start her own cult XD

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  6. "and train an army of dinosaurs to do my bidding--but no, being a bridesmaid in Julia Child's wedding would be cool too, I guess..."

    -HAHAHAHA........HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!

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  7. This was on TV the other day,and thanks to your blog, I know have a profound hate for Julie. (Granted I was referring to the movie as "Who the Fuck Cares...and Julia" when in first came out, but still)

    This bitch needs to be committed, then lobotimized, and put out her misery, ala Big Chief in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"

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  8. an ARMY of DINOSAURS.
    ... who Are you - ? ...? : )

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