Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 49 - Julie Powell Says the Darndest Things (pt. 4)

Day 49.

Happy MLK Day everybody! In light of the national holiday, I thought it would be best to ignore the blatant racism and discrimination in Julie & Julia and continue on with part 4 of Julie Powell Says the Darndest Things. As the great Martin Luther King Jr. once dreamed, today we live in a nation where food bloggers are not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. And the content of Julie Powell's character is pretty bleh.

"And another thing... Eggs do not taste like cheese sauce."

"Me, Judith Jones, happily ever after."

I don't get it. Judith Jones is like a 90-year-old woman. She was the one who discovered and published The Diary of Anne Frank for God's sake. Do you honestly think this "happily ever after" of yours is going to last more than 5-10 years, if that? Count your blessings, Julie. You have a perfectly good husband who bears a striking resemblance to the ruggedly handsome Mark Ruffalo. I just don't see how you plan on having a long-lasting relationship with this Judith Jones lady. Unless you are just milking her for a book deal, which would make you a terrible person. And you're not a terrible person, are you?

"And then we'd have a little money and we wouldn't have to live over a pizzeria for the rest of our lives." 

 So you are using the old lady for a book deal! You are a terrible person, Julie Powell.

"How am I going to explain this? My readers are going to be really upset. They were so into it." 

They probably weren't that upset. Or into it, for that matter.

"You almost let me feed Judith Jones bland boeuf bourguignon."

You almost let me watch this entire movie without angrily shaking my fist at the screen. Almost.

Awwwww, Judith Jones. You are so adorably old and feeble.

Julie Powell: "Okay, maybe I'm being a little narcissistic."
Not Mark Ruffalo: "A little? On a scale of 1 to 10?"
Julie Powell: "Okay, a 9.3. But what do you think a blog is? It's me, me, me, day after day."

God, I hate this woman. Especially how she realizes how self-absorbed she is, yet does nothing to resolve it. I mean, I love feeding my ego via blogging as much as the next guy, but yeesh.


Julie Powell's Blog Entry: "And then on top of everything, I had a horrible fight with my husband and he left me." 

C'mon. Don't blog about that. Totally not cool.

*Julie Powell deletes previous line from blog entry.*

Ahhhh, a true moment of humanization! Maybe you are capable of thinking of someone other than yourself after all! I can feel some sympathy for you now. Not much, but some.

"I am, Sarah. I am a bitch." 

That was the smartest, most insightful thing you've said this entire movie. Bravo.

"I am a one-way street, just like Eric says." 

More self-realization! Julie Powell, you are on a roll, redemption-wise. 

"Do you really think I'm a bitch?" 

YES. Gosh, and I thought you were making all this progress. 

"I've been thinking about me and Julia."

 Really? I hadn't noticed.

"She was a secretary for a government agency and I am, too. A really nice guy married her. A really nice guy married me."

You can say that again. 

"Both of us were lost, and both of us were saved by food in one way or another. So major overlaps, but let's face it--I am not Julia Child." 

DING DING DING DING DING!!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have an epiphany.

T-Pain: The Modern-Day MLK

"Julia Child never lost her temper just because something boiled over, or collapsed in the oven, or just plain fell through." 

Well to be fair, that's because Julia Child was an actual chef. But I apologize for ruining your redeeming moment of clarity, JP. Go on. 

"And she was never horrible to her husband, I'm sure. And she never behaved like 'Who has time to be married?' which is how I behave sometime, I'm sorry to say.'" 

Wow, you're really doing quite well at this "identifying your major flaws" thing. I'm actually impressed. 

"I wish I was more like her. She deserved her husband and I don't. That's the truth." 

Amen to that, sister! 

"Well anyway, that's the truth for now." 

Noooooo, don't qualify this moment of self-realization with a cop-out "that's the truth for now" bit. C'mon, you were doing so well! You had nearly won me over. Dammit, Julie. Why do you always inevitably disappoint me? 

"Yogurt for dinner."

I like yogurt.

Yogurt? For dinner? Oh man, your mom must let you do all sortsa of cool junk!

(To be continued/concluded on Wednesday...)

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "She'll be here. Wearing a plaid jacket."

6 comments:

  1. Not that it matters, but my mother and I would occasionally indulge in the most unhealthy dinner I can imagine.

    Strawberry soda and a bag of Dorito's Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips.

    This was back in the 70s when PCs were new and blogs were probably not yet the norm. You know, before there were other flavors of these tortilla chips, as if any other flavor might redeem them.

    The odd factor in all of this is that my mother typically was a health food nut. Again, this was before you could find organic produce in your supermarket and in order to get your vitamin supplements you had to take upwards of ten different pills because there truly was no such thing as a multi-vitamin.

    And yes, before you ask, I walked to school barefoot in the snow uphill both ways. Ahhhh . . . the days of yore.

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  2. Incidentally, julie powell went on to write another book(universally acclaimed as bullshit by critics...I haven't read it, just the reviews) all about her extramarital affairs and a butchershop (no, really). So she probably doesn't deserve such a nice husband, in the movies or out of it.

    Keep up the good work! Love the blog, though I worry for your sanity!

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  3. I was starting to feel bad for Julie Powell, all this hate you've reaped upon her. Then I read the synopsis of her newest book, and I am right on board. I think the sweetness of Amy Adams clouded my judgment.

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  4. Jacquala Banks: I just want to say that I think you've done a wonderful job in completing your project & i'm sure the food was great though i'm not a great cook i plan to write a bok myself & just by reading your story you have shown me that it's ok to dream beyond measure ...I absolutely love Julie Powell

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  5. Even in her (fleeting) moment of self-realization when she wrote the blog entry about how she didn't deserve her husband, I was annoyed with her. I saw that as yet another act of arrogance because she was manipulating her popularity to get sympathy. She should've manned up and apologized directly to the rugged Not Mark Ruffalo (at least by saying something on his answering machine?!) instead of making the Facebook-like cry for attention. Even in her so-called selflessness, I think she was being self-centered. I don't know much about the real JP, but yes, I'm totally judging her movie version.

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  6. get a life!!!! don 't you hsve anything productive to do?

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