Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 48 - Julie Powell Says the Darndest Things (pt. 3)

Day 48.

When I set out to capture every stupid, trivial thing that Julie Powell says in this film, I really did not think there would be so much material to work with. But then I was like, "Wait, I have seen this movie 48 times. Of course there is a lot of material to work with. Julie Powell is an idiot." So read on for Part 3 of Julie Powell Says the Darndest Things.

God, she looks stupid.

"An aspic is sort of a beef-flavored Jell-O mold." 

And an ass pic is a picture of someone's ass. 

"And all I can say about that, no offense Julia, is the bitch lied." 

How dare you call Julia Child a lying bitch? Who the fuck do you think you are, Julie Powell? You are a blogger--the lowest of the low, the scum of the Earth. I really cant think of anything I despise more than bloggers. 

Not Mark Ruffalo: "You could lie."
Julie Powell: "I can't. I just can't. Julia will know. It's like she's watching me. I'm under her influence. I'm becoming a much better person because of her." 

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but does it not sound like Julie thinks Julia Child is her lord and savior? (well, either that, or her parole officer)

"It's no wonder my mold fell apart. I don't suppose we have any Drano."

You was going to put Drano in your mold? I'm pretty sure that shit is not made for consumption. 

"I do all of this and I'm supposed to buy Drano, too?" 

What exactly is "all of this?" Whining incessantly? Ignoring your loving husband? Abusing your cat? 

"What if I don't make my deadline, Eric? I'll have wasted a whole year of my life."

 I think you'll have wasted a year of your life, regardless. I know the feeling. 

"I used to be thin and now I'm getting fat."

 Oh, that's funny--I used to enjoy this movie and now I don't. Also, I'm getting fat. 

"On top of which, I have to bone a whole duck." 

Is that even legal? I'm pretty sure today's society frowns upon bestiality for the most part.

 "Can you even conceive of boning a duck?" 

No, but this dog can.


The internet is awesome.

"This is crazy. I can't even truss." 

This is crazy. I don't even care.

 "And I cried like a small, emotionally disturbed child." 

Opposed to all those other times where you cried like a large, emotionally stable adult...

 "I almost feel as if Julia and I are communicating over space and time on a deep, spiritual, mystical level." 

*cocks gun* *puts barrel in mouth* 

"Although, mostly, I'm just talking to myself." 

*puts down gun* What? Self-awareness? From Julie Powell? Is there hope for her after all? 

"I thought, I really did think, I just did. I thought 'book contract.'" 

Nope. 

(To be continued...)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "I'm going to go buy some bread." 

4 comments:

  1. Wow.. These posts just keep getting angrier and angrier! I would love to say that I thought you'd make it to viewing #365, but at this point it's really not looking good.... I HOPE you do. But damn kid. Deep breaths.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Laughing out loud...at work. Keep it up Lawrence!

    ReplyDelete
  3. What in gawd's name did you google to get the photo of the dog and the duck? No matter, I have to go shampoo my eyes now...

    ReplyDelete