Day 34 - Cooking with Julie & Julia (Chocolate Creme Pie)

Day 34.

Ever since I started the Lawrence/Julie & Julia Project, people have been asking me if and/or when I planned on doing some cooking of my own (you know, to complement all the cooking Julie and Julia do in the film). And ever since people started suggesting this, I have tried my best to ignore them, mostly because I don't really know how to cook. Plus, I figured that I'm already losing 2 hours to this drek every day, so why invest even more time into something that will almost certainly give me salmonella? Well, it just so happens that I love salmonella--so congratulations, guys. You win. Today, I manned the fuck up, grabbed an apron, and prepared the shit out of some chocolate creme pie (sort of).

Shit looks mad delicious.

With only Amy Adams' dialogue in this scene to go off of, I attempted to recreate the filling for Julia Child's chocolate creme pie:

"I love that after a day when nothing is sure, and when I say 'nothing' I mean nothing, you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. It's such a comfort." 

--Amy Adams as Julie Powell

Okay, seems simple enough. Chocolate. Sugar. Milk. Egg Yolks. Mix, and it will get thick.

As you can plainly see, I didn't know what kind of chocolate I was supposed to get so I just used KitKats. Those are mostly chocolate, I think. I know you're probably not supposed to improvise right off the bat, but this is my first time cooking--gimme a break! (pun most definitely intended)

Next step: add Sugar. Again, seems simple enough, but just to make sure all my bases were covered, I vigorously made out with the bowl right after these pictures were taken.

Hmmmmm... it's not really getting thick or anything yet. Maybe Julie Powell is leading me astray. It wouldn't be the first time. Maybe it'll thicken up after I add the milk. And by milk, I mean Half & Half (So I didn't have any milk in the house! Is that so outrageous? I live in an Asian household. 90% of Asians are lactards. Look it up.)

Errrr, still pretty gross and not-thick-looking. Maybe I fucked it up with the Half & Half? In that case, I better add some homemade Soy Milk for good measure. Soy milk is definitely a kind of milk, right? Just like a different...flavor... of milk.

So according to my calculations, regular milk is basically half Half & Half, half soy milk (also, I really wanted to write a sentence with 4 "halfs" in a row). Onto the Egg Yolks! I assume this is the part of the process where the plot (read: soy-KitKat concoction) thickens.

I thought that red thing was a egg yolk separator. It was not.

Well, what the fuck, Julie?!?! I followed your instructions verbatim! "Add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick." Does this look fucking thick to you??? Does it, bitch?!?

Well, now I'm just pissed. This is not a suitable chocolate creme pie filling. What am I going to serve the Duke of Earl now? Fuck it, I'm going off book.

Warning: The remainder of this post may contain graphic and disturbing images. Read on at your own discretion.

MUY DELICIOSO!!!

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Julie & Julia Quote of the Day: "Soon, but I have to make the whipped cream first and let it set."