Friday, December 24, 2010

Day 25 - 'Twas the Night Before Julie & Julia

Day 25.
3-Time Best Actor Emmy Winner Bryan Cranston playing Santa Claus

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, ‘cept for me and my mouse;
The cursor, that is—gliding ‘round on the screen,
Of my quaint Macbook Pro, polished to a high sheen.
I brought up my Netflix, scrolled down through the queue,
90 movies in waiting, which one shall I view?
Maybe Benjamin Button? When Harry Met Sally?
With so many options, one can hardly keep tally;
Zombieland, The Kite Runner, and Lost (Season 5),
That’s more that can fit on my external hard drive;
There’s Jaws and The Omen--even Jerry Maguire,
Or Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.

Tons of movies to see and so little time,
To ignore them all would be the real crime.
But that’s just what I did, because I’m on a quest
To watch the same film again—now that’s the real test.
J&J haunts my dreams, taints my eyes and my mind,
But I gotta push through, my contract is signed.
The movie begins, the 25th screening so far,
It’s beginning to leave an indelible scar,
You know, on my sanity—surely that’s in peril?
Oh wait, nevermind, just as long as there’s Meryl,
This movie won’t suck—not completely at least,
And I’ll finally be able to conquer this beast.
Oh look, I see Julie, Paul Child’s there too,
Stanley Tucci’s the man, oh shit—déjà vu.
I feel like I’ve been in this same place before,
Two hours a day, it’s become quite a chore.
But who am I to complain? This was my dumb idea;
At this point, I’d rather just have gonorrhea,
Than be forced to sit through another 5 seconds,
Of Amy Adams’ meltdowns—the worst, I do reckons.

But it ain’t all that bad, to tell you the truth;
At least I’m not dead, I still have my youth.
This blog can be helpful, an outlet of sorts,
And it gives me an excuse not to play sports.
I can vent and blow steam, all over the page;
The internet’s great for funneling rage.
I can air all my grievances, as you readers all know,
That the guy with Julie should be Mark Ruffalo.
Two hours later, the film finally ends,
And I feel a bit lonely, I miss all my friends.
But lucky for me, I’ll see them all the next day,
When I start over again—Yippee! Hip Hooray!
Can I make it a year? Who knows what will happen?
But one thing’s for sure—gotta cut down on my fappin’.
So I finish this entry and wish all of you well,
On this Christmas Eve (atheists, go to Hell!),
Goodnight and be merry from Lawrence, Julie and Julia,
Please come back tomorrow, read my blog or I’ll... spool ya?

Literally nothing rhymes with Julia.

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Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Fire your assistant and don't hire a replacement.
"

12 comments:

  1. This was pretty much the best thing waiting for me on Christmas morning

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  2. 1. This was awesome.

    2. I tried watching this movie from the point of view that Julie is a terrible cook, and all her friends were patronizing her, and it was great.

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  3. That was fantastic. Yes, I still think you're nuts for watching this unremarkable film 365 times, but you are doing it with style my (interwebs) friend.

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  4. Fappin'? "At this point, I’d rather just have gonorrhea"...fuuuny! RAD post!!

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  5. As we all learned from Drew Barrymore in The Wedding Singer, "Guglia" rhymes with Julia.

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  6. Best post yet. Especially the Mark Ruffalo line. Brilliant.

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  7. Brilliant post! So happy I found your blog! Look how far you have come only a few more months and it is shark week!

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