Yesterday, I decided to sync up Julie & Julia with Kanye West's new album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, just to see what would happen. And three tracks into the album, things were already shaking up. Let's just see how well the rest of the album fits into the dual narratives of Julie Powell and Julia Child, shall we? Ladies and gentlemen, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Julie & Julia (part 2)
|"Yo Amy Adams, I'mma let you finish, but Meryl Streep is one of the best actresses of ALL TIME!!!"|
Warning: Like the album, this post will contain a few goddamn swears, alright?
Format: "Kanye West lyric" – What's happening in Julie & Julia.
Track 4 - All Of The Lights (Interlude)
"String instrument interlude" – Amy Adams is making out with her husband, while the Julia Child SNL skit plays in the background. Kind of weird, just like a track of nothing but cellos on a Kanye album.
Track 5 - All Of The Lights
"All of the lights (all of the lights)" – There are bedside lamps in the Powells' bedroom. I guess Kanye is referring to all 2 of them.
"Extra bright, I want y'all to see this" – It's dark. You can't see them, but they want you to see them. Presumably having sex.
"I slapped my girl, she called the feds" – Not Mark Ruffalo looks at his wife and slaps her. She calls the feds.
"Getting mine, baby, gotta let these n-ggas know" – Stanley Tucci shows off his wife while they stroll through the art gallery. He is letting these n-ggas know that she belongs to him. He is also a racist.
"Turn up the lights in here, baby" – The Childs are eating in a restaurant, which is poorly lit.
"I tried to tell you, but all I could say is ohhhhh, Whoaa-oh-whoa-oh" – Characters talking about eating food for the first time. They orgasm--like the scene in When Harry Met Sally multiplied by a billion.
Track 6 - Monster
"Are you willing to sacrifice your life?" – Meryl Streep tries out hobbies, trying to pick one that she will sacrifice her life for. Thank God it wasn't hat-making. I don't think I could watch 2 hours of hatmaking every day.
"Fat mothafucker, now look who's in trouble" – Meryl Streep talks to her French teacher, who happens to be a fat mothafucker. It appears as though she's in some sort of trouble.
"Everybody know I'm a mothafucking monster" – Everybody knows Meryl Streep is a mothafucking monster.
"Chi n-gga, but these hoes love my accent" – Meryl Strep talks with French people (hoes). Their accents are endearing.
"Know that mothafucker well, what you gon' do now? Whatever I wanna do, gosh, its cool now" – The first mentioning of writing a French cookbook.
"Have you ever had sex with a pharoah? I put the pussy in the sarcophagus." – Cuts to Stanley Tucci and Meryl Streep in bed. The pussy is presumably in the sarcophagus, so to speak.
"I'm living in the future so the presence is my past. My presence is a present kiss my ass" – Stanley Tucci just gave Meryl Streep a present, so now she has to kiss his ass.
"Loch Ness, goblin, gould, a zombie with no conscience Question: What do all these things have in common?" – Answer: They all look like Stanley Tucci.
"Ok, first things first, I'll eat your brains." – Amy Adams cooking. Artichokes in butter = brains.
|"The pussy is in the sarcophagus. I repeat, the pussy is in the sarcophagus."|
Track 7 - So Appalled
"One hand in the air, if you don't really care" – Blogging voiceover, Amy Adams is talking about how she's never eaten an egg before. Her best friend has her hand in the air.
"Two hands in the air, if you don't really care" – The best friend now has two hands in the air.
"Praises due to the most high, Allah" – Amy Adams eats the egg, loves it, praises Allah.
"N-ggas be writin' bullshit like they gotta work" – They talk about their other friend's blog.
"Champagne wishes, 30 white bitches" – No relation to anything in the movie. This is just a really good lyric.
"5-star dishes, different exotic fishes" – They are eating something like that.
"Would you rather be underpaid or overrated?" – Is Julie Powell underpaid or overrated? Probably, both.
"Cuz unlike Hammer 30 mil can't hurt me" – It can't hurt Meryl Streep either. She can probably live off her Mamma Mia! money for the rest of her life.
"All these little bitches too big for their britches" – Meryl Streep stands next to a bunch of novices in her first cooking class.
"I never met a bitch that didn't need a little guidance" – Meryl Streep is about to be taught by a real chef for the first time.
"Paranoid mind, I'm still under the watchful" – The chef, who looks like Colonel Sanders, watches her cook.
"Man this shit is--fucking ridiculous" – It is fucking ridiculous how many onions Meryl Streep is chopping up right now. Stanley Tucci is literally crying.
"Tiger Woods don't make me grab iron" – Meryl Streep is holding onto a pan (might be iron?). We know for sure that Tiger Woods didn't make her grab it.
"You know the shit is--fucking ridiculous" – An American woman mastering the art of French cooking at Le Cordon Bleu? You know that shit is fucking ridiculous.
(To be continued...)
These Kanye/Julie & Julia posts are taking longer than expected. I hope you will bear with me as I continue to investigate the conspiracy as to why Mr. West decided to create a companion album to this culinary-themed film.
Also, it's been two weeks and I'm still here. Even I didn't think I'd make it this far.
Julie & Julia Quote of the Day: "I have been cooking mushrooms the wrong way my entire life!"