Thursday, December 9, 2010

Day 10 - Stanley Tucci is Probably a Pedophile

Day 10.

Thanks to yesterday's Huffington Post mention, along with some new articles on Jezebel and MSNBC (Wait, what's a legitimate news outlet doing on here?), my fickle internet fame has increased tenfold. And because I apparently have readers now, that means I get reader comments--weird, I know.

While I do go through and read each and every comment (and feel the subsequent blow to my huge ego), I feel bad because I can't always directly respond to you guys. To deal with this newfound attention, I decided to take the big plunge and obtain an email address for the blog. You can now reach me directly at Please, only spam me if it's really, really important spam.

Also, with this new "electronic mail" feature, I hope to introduce some sort of occasional reader feedback post on the blog, where you send in questions and I answer them (probably in some sort of douchey, snarky manner). That could be fun, right? Yeah... that could be fun.


Do you ever have the problem of watching an actor/actress play a role in a movie whose performance is so good/moving/memorable that you're never able to see said actor/actress play any other part? I have that problem with Stanley Tucci. I have seen Julie & Julia 10 times now, but I can never picture Stanley Tucci (who plays Julia Child's husband, Paul) as anything other than the creepy pedophile in The Lovely Bones.

Noted pedophile Stanley Tucci
Tucci was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar after his spot-on portrayal of the local pedophile-murderer, George Harvey, but lost--probably because no one wants to give a pedophile-murderer an Oscar.

Wikipedia describes Tucci's character as a guy "who coaxes [the protagonist girl] into seeing an underground den he says he has built for the neighborhood children." I honestly don't think a more pedophiliac-friendly sentence exists in the English language.

I want you to come down to my underground den!
Granted, The Lovely Bones came out later than Julie & Julia, but unfortunately, I saw Tucci's haunting performance as George Harvey before his delightful, supportive turn as Paul Child. Don't get me wrong, I can see how someone who hasn't seen The Lovely Bones wouldn't mind Tucci in this movie. I mean, he is clearly a great actor. But that's the problem--he was so good that I have convinced myself that he is actually a pedophile, and thus, brings his love of having sex with children along with him in every role he plays.

What other kinds of pictures has he taken with that camera?
Every time he's on screen, coddling Meryl Streep, I picture him coddling a young child. Every time he's on screen, eating Meryl Streep's food, I picture him having a pretend tea party with a young child. Every time he's on screen, having sex with Meryl Streep, I picture him--OH DEAR GOD!!!! NOOOOO!!!!

If I ever have kids, I will definitely make sure that we won't live within a 50-mile radius of Stanley Tucci. With men like him on the loose, you can never be too safe.

I'm sure this sounds bad in writing and many of you may very well be offended by what I've said. But imagine what its like for me--having to watch the pedophile-murderer Stanley Tucci gallivant about on screen every day for 2 hours--free to molest and kill whoever he wants! (as long as they aren't tall enough to ride on a rollercoaster)

I appreciate the work you've done, Stanley Tucci. It's just that--well, you are also a pedophile. And I really can't stand for that.


Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "I am a one-way street, just like Eric says."


  1. I stumbled across this blog due to the fact that I subscribe to Jezebel on my Google Reader. Now you are on my google reader too, so make me proud, kid. Also, I loved Julie & Julia and I think you should read the book sometime this year. It would give you more to write about. Also, Julie's second book, Cleaving, which will make you kind of hate her.

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  2. LMAO!!! I am so waiting to see all the "no-sense of humor" people tear you up for this one. Hilarious!!

    I agree with you on this...some great actors do carry with them their past performances that you just can't shake 100%. Funny that you blogged it though...I'm curious to see what other stuff you come up with!

  3. @ Michelle, LOL i'm waiting for those comments too!

    And i've seen the Lovely Bones; i SO know
    what you mean!! Stanley said in an interview,
    that he'd had to alter himself physically
    in order to play the role - hair, contacts, etc. -
    and I'm really glad he did; still i was having
    some troubles watching him in other roles
    after seeing the Lovely Bones.

    Anyways; keep it up, i love reading your posts. (:

    ps. as many people mentioned where they've
    found your blog - i came across it through
    Meryl's IMDb site. ;)

  4. Dustin Hoffman will always be Captain Hook to me.

  5. I always think of Stanley Tucci being the bitchy art director from The Devil Wears Prada.

  6. I like Stanley Tucci in this role - I think he is great. I think I had even read somewhere that Meryl Streep suggested him for the role of Paul Childs because they work well together plus the physical resemblance was amazing.

    Tucci in the Lovely Bones gave me the creeps and just was too different from other characters he usually plays.

    I think this is a good movie and even have it on DVD. Not sure that I like it enough to watch it every day for 365 days, but good for you! I can't wait to read your blog on day 50, 100, 200 300 etc! F'n Hilarious.... Not Mark Ruffalo!
    Good Luck and I look forward to your future posts!

  7. I just found this post through awesome project

    Btw, stop using the word delightful so much.

  8. Wow I just found this blog and it is quite entertaining. :) Good luck keeping it up!

  9. Ugh, you're one tough being, that movie is about the most insipid mashup of crud I was forced to swallow.

  10. I can only think of him in his ridiculous wig for "Shall We Dance." Maybe give it a watch. It could cure you.

    Also, don't even stop using delightful. That person obviously sucks.

  11. This was the funniest post you've written since the "Not Mark Ruffalo" post. I love Stanley Tucci as an actor.

  12. So one minute I'm reading Paul Krugman on The Huffington Post, and then *poof* I suddenly find myself here.

    Gee thanks, Arianna! Now my brain hurts. (But it's a GOOD hurt.)

    I'll keep reading as long as you keep writing, though. Dare ya!

  13. The funny thing is Stanley Tucci will always be Paul Child for me. So if I should see Lovely Bones it will be hard for me to imagine him as something other than a man who likes a "big girl".

    And to keep with the trend...I got here from ... which is still a thing.

  14. I commend you for doing this. I wouldn't have watched this movie more than once. I loved Julia, but I found Julie and NOT Mark Ruffalo to be pretty insufferable.

    Good luck!

  15. Oh man. Tucci won't be at all happy with this post... Or the subsequent Google search results.

  16. Hey,

    Found your blog through a Finnish radio station's Facebook page. I actually had to go check the film out before reading your entries... pretty funny, I must admit.

    I'm eager to find out how you survive through the film so many times. Even I get sick of watching my fav movies over and over again... so, good luck!

  17. I still can't get Stanley Tucci's performance in The Devil Wears Prada out of my head. Everytime I see him on screen, I see a gay magazine editor. So when he's kissing Meryl Streep in this movie, I can't help but wonder, "Doesn't Julia Child know her husband is gay?"

  18. Having just found this blog, and as a fan of Julia Child and a big fan of Meryl Steep and an even bigger fan of Amy Adams and the biggest fan of them all converging in filmish ecstasy, I must say that if you don't finish what you have started I am going to be very disappointed in you.

  19. I have the same problem with every actor that was in "Happiness", I share your awkwardeness.

  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

  21. I really hope you get through the whole year. It's awesome!

  22. I feel fairly certain that after you have watched this movie 365 times (don't fail me!) you'll think of Stanley Tucci as Paul Child. If you don't, I'm doing to wonder about you.

  23. I discovered your blog two hours ago and have been so dedicated to reading it that I have now forgotten that I once never knew it existed and also where I first heard if it.

    I'm astonished that we were both inspired to blog after watching this movie (an obvious testament to its motivational power), but that I stupidly went for the 'blog about training for your first marathon' option. I shall curse your comfortable couch as I spend hours running for no good reason. Good luck to you, Lawrence.

  24. Hey, I found your blog because I follow TheDailyWhat on Tumblr and they blogged about you. It's pretty funny, I must say. I'll probably bookmark this and keep reading(:

  25. omg i KNEW there was a reason i didn't like that actor in the movie!! i couldn't figure it out...thanks lawrence :)

  26. I find it awkward watching him about to have sex with Meryl Streep cos it's hard to picture a supposedly gay art director and his equally bitchy boss sleeping together. (Devil wears Prada)

  27. "I appreciate the work you've done, Stanley Tucci. It's just that--well, you are also a pedophile. And I really can't stand for that."

    haha. Funny. He is such a great actor that brings out the best pedophile movie, eh. :)

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  37. Nice guy Stanley Tucci repeatedly shudders, but then he's recalling how he could barely stomach playing a serial pedophile.Your blog is very informative.

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